Q. In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
There are various kinds of traditional
culture
in the world. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
People
usually use festivals and celebrations to keep and spread the culture
. However
, some of them cannot be seen or show up rarely these years, which could be replaced by new culture
or be only known by eldly
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
.
As many areas has
developed so fast recently, Change the verb form
have
people
have lots of new culture
and values, which influenced the heritage of old Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
culture
. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
For example
, since the production developement
makes Correct your spelling
development
the
air pollution serious, citizens are going to decrease the emissions of polluted air and don't want to use fireworks to celebrate Correct article usage
apply
the
traditional festivals, Correct article usage
apply
such
as Spring Festival. Therefore
, some children haven't watched that kind of celebrations
and may have little knowledge of that.
Fix the agreement mistake
celebration
Besides
, young people
are likely to be addicted to new culture
rather than learning the traditional inheritance from old people
. For instance
, a number of teenagers spend a lot of time on
playing computer games or watching videos with their Change preposition
apply
smart phones
. It is hard for you to ask them to put down their Correct your spelling
smartphones
mouses
or phones and gain knowledge calmly and patiently, which causes the dropping number of young children who know the Replace the word
mice
traditon
.
Correct your spelling
tradition
This
problem can be solved by adding the education of traditional culture
at school, so kids can get the chance to learn and experience those culture
. And governments can Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
also
encourage people
to attend the festivlas
and celebrations Correct your spelling
festivals
festival
by
free gifts and activities.
In conclusion, Change preposition
with
new
Add an article
a new
the new
culture
is a
main Correct article usage
the
causing
of the Replace the word
cause
disapearing
of Correct your spelling
disappearing
old
Add an article
the old
an old
culture
. We should help young people
get more infomation
Correct your spelling
information
of
that.Change preposition
about
Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Your essay provides answers to the questions posed by the topic, however, it would greatly benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Try to include precise instances or studies to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows reasonably well, there are sections where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using cohesive devices such as 'moreover', 'likewise', or 'on the other hand' to better link your paragraphs and thoughts.
language accuracy
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'eldly' instead of 'elderly' and 'It is hard for you to ask them to put down their mouses or phones'. Proofreading for these minor mistakes can improve your overall clarity.
introduction conclusion
You have a good introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.
task response
Your essay addresses both the problems caused by the disappearance of traditional festivals and some measures to counter this situation, meeting the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.