The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
As the world becomes more incredible with its technology, I believe that the median standard of public
health
tends to increase, rather than decrease, as many people
believe in this
notion. In my opinion, the advancement of technology has brought and will certainly bring people
's health
to the next level, as there are so many interventions people
can do related to this
matter, and I will elaborate more on
the following paragraph.
A decade ago, Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
practitioners tended to be suffering from maintaining someone's lives
as there were not enough resources to use and there were no multiple choices to do. Fix the agreement mistake
life
For instance
, when people
come to hospital
and the doctor Add an article
the hospital
diagnose
the patients with cancer, the doctor will probably say "Change the verb form
diagnoses
you
only have three months left before you die". Capitalize word
You
This
action could happen as there were no devices that the professionals can
use to kill the cancer cells. Wrong verb form
could
However
, in today's era, when a patient is diagnosed with cancer or other diseases, the doctor can provide some relevant choices, such
as chemotherapy, or even nuclear therapy. These several medical actions can be done because of the advancement of science and technology, and it is used to ensure that people
have bigger life chances.
In addition
, as science is growing rapidly, a lot of scientists try to make better varieties of food, such
as fruits and vegetables. For example
, it is evident that corn, banana
, and even chicken that we see these days are way much better than their origin before being domesticated or cloned by scientists. Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
The corn
and Correct article usage
Corn
banana
Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
in
several decades ago are believed to not be eaten by Change preposition
apply
people
, as the size of the corn tends to be too small and the seeds of the banana are more dominant than its flesh, and the
chicken nowadays tends to be double or triple Correct article usage
apply
of
its size. From these reasons, we can imagine how Change preposition
apply
people
can fulfill
their nutritional needs Change the spelling
fulfil
if
all kinds of food cannot be consumed.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that Correct your spelling
of
people
's health
in the future are
not Verb problem
will
going
lower than today, as Verb problem
be
scientist
always work hard to ensure Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
people
could
live Wrong verb form
can
with
prosperous in Change preposition
apply
this
planet and it already
Add a missing verb
has already
Add a missing verb
been proved
proved
in today's life from the illustrations in Correct your spelling
proven
the
previous paragraph, because the past is the key to the present, and the present is the key to the future.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt well and has a clear point of view, some points lack specificity and could benefit from concrete examples. In particular, providing more detailed and precise statistics or studies related to technological advancements in health care would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but some sentences and ideas can be better connected to improve the overall flow. Using clearer transitions between points and ensuring each paragraph logically follows the previous one will enhance readability.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task response
The main points are well-supported, and the argument is relevant to the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite