Some people think that students should learn a range of practical skills at school (such as car maintenance or accountancy) alongside traditional subjects like maths and physics. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

School is the best place for students to obtain knowledge.
Although
there are already quite a lot
subjects
Change preposition
of subjects
show examples
in it, some people
strongly
Add a missing verb
are strongly
show examples
convinced that there are
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
of
skills
like
time
and money managing or car driving that they should
also
learn.From my perspective,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
a good point, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would
also
like to
tell
Verb problem
talk
show examples
about
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
of
this
idea.
To begin
with, learning
skills
like
time
management really helps in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
show examples
life
of every single human being, whether
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
a pupil or a grown adult.In our society most of the
time
people suffer from 1 problem and its lack of
time
.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
mainly happening because they just aren't able to make
time
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
table
Correct your spelling
timetable
show examples
for
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
and that's why they can't do some deals in
time
.But if modern schools would manage to teach
skills
that would help individuals prevent
this
problem, it would be amazing.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
stepping into an adult
life
is really hard, especially without knowing basic information
such
as what taxes are.Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people even don't know what to do next after graduating from university.That's why schools should provide pupils with
this
information in order to make stepping into adult
life
easier.
Nevertheless
, there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
huge downside
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
idea.It goes without saying that schools already have quite a lot
subjects
Change preposition
of subjects
show examples
in them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and adding even more of them would make
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
education even harder.There should be at least
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
gap between adding new
subjects
to learn, as childhood is
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
for fun and silliness.But of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
learning new
skills
would affect really good on
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
life
To sum up
, from my point of view adding learning of needed
skills
in
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
life
would definitely have a good
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
, but there should be
also
limit
Add an article
a limit
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
subjects
Correct article usage
the subjects
show examples
that pupils are learning.
Submitted by madinabonu.bm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, but it should better explain the negative side of the argument. The essay would benefit from more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating which side of the argument you are supporting.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is fairly clear but could be improved. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea. Linking phrases can enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Moreover, sentences should be more closely related to each other to improve overall cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points effectively. You have made an effort to summarize the pros and cons of incorporating practical skills into the school curriculum.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: