These days people prefer to watch live performances (Shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
argue that in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
more and
mor epeople
Correct your spelling
more people
would rather
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
show examples
home
and
enjoynig
Correct your spelling
enjoying
watching live shows and concerts via TV
instead
of attending the venue in person.
This
essay is
disscussing
Correct your spelling
discussing
both ideas and
state
Change the verb form
states
show examples
my personal opinion.
To begin
with, there are a
numbre
Correct your spelling
number
of
people
who prefer to use TV to watch live shows
such
as concerts. One reason is that
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to the past, nowadays
people
are busier.
Therefore
, staying
home
is a method of saving time for them.
For instance
, if they want to go to a stadium to watch a football match, they have to spend
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
amount of time commuting there and finding a parking lot.
Hence
, by staying
home
they will reduce the time spent
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commuting to the place of
event
Add an article
the event
show examples
. One other reason is the high price of tickets for
such
shows. If the whole family members want to attend the event they would have to pay for every single person which might be not
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
for them.
On the other hand
, there are still
people
who like going to live
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
better. The sociability nature of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is nurtured through presenting in
such
events.
For example
, individuals can mingle with
people
who are sitting next to them
nad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
befriend them. The other reason is the need of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
for excitement. social occasions like concerts can increase the adrenaline and provide
an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
show examples
with amusement. In conclusion,
although
a greater proportion of
people
have the
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
to watch live shows from
home
compared to the past,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
majority still find attending these occasions more enjoyable. I personally
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
to feel the pleasure of a live show, I need to go there in person.
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on

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grammar
Try to proofread your work for minor spelling errors, such as 'disscussing', 'numbre', 'belive', etc. These can slightly distract the reader and affect the overall impression.
coherence
To further improve coherence, ensure each paragraph naturally flows into the next. For example, you could use transition phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'Conversely' to better link ideas between paragraphs.
task response
Consider developing each main point a bit more, perhaps with a few more specific examples or scenarios. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs discussing the different viewpoints.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task response
You have addressed all parts of the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion, which is great for task achievement.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performance
  • streaming
  • mobility issues
  • busy schedules
  • substantially cheaper
  • broadens cultural horizons
  • customize their environment
  • electric atmosphere
  • social interaction
  • technical issues
  • immersive experience
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