These days people prefer to watch live performances (Shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
argue that in today's world
more and Add a comma
world,
mor epeople
would rather Correct your spelling
more people
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
home
and enjoynig
watching live shows and concerts via TV Correct your spelling
enjoying
instead
of attending the venue in person. This
essay is disscussing
both ideas and Correct your spelling
discussing
state
my personal opinion.
Change the verb form
states
To begin
with, there are a numbre
of Correct your spelling
number
people
who prefer to use TV to watch live shows such
as concerts. One reason is that comparing
to the past, nowadays Wrong verb form
compared
people
are busier. Therefore
, staying home
is a method of saving time for them. For instance
, if they want to go to a stadium to watch a football match, they have to spend significant
amount of time commuting there and finding a parking lot. Add an article
a significant
Hence
, by staying home
they will reduce the time spent for
Change preposition
apply
the
commuting to the place of Correct article usage
apply
event
. One other reason is the high price of tickets for Add an article
the event
such
shows. If the whole family members want to attend the event they would have to pay for every single person which might be not cost effective
for them.
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
On the other hand
, there are still people
who like going to live event
better. The sociability nature of Fix the agreement mistake
events
human
is nurtured through presenting in Fix the agreement mistake
humans
such
events. For example
, individuals can mingle with people
who are sitting next to them nad
befriend them. The other reason is the need of Correct your spelling
and
human
for excitement. social occasions like concerts can increase the adrenaline and provide Fix the agreement mistake
humans
an individuals
with amusement.
In conclusion, Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
although
a greater proportion of people
have the preferance
to watch live shows from Correct your spelling
preference
home
compared to the past, there
majority still find attending these occasions more enjoyable. I personally Replace the word
their
belive
to feel the pleasure of a live show, I need to go there in person.Correct your spelling
believe
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on
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grammar
Try to proofread your work for minor spelling errors, such as 'disscussing', 'numbre', 'belive', etc. These can slightly distract the reader and affect the overall impression.
coherence
To further improve coherence, ensure each paragraph naturally flows into the next. For example, you could use transition phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'Conversely' to better link ideas between paragraphs.
task response
Consider developing each main point a bit more, perhaps with a few more specific examples or scenarios. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs discussing the different viewpoints.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task response
You have addressed all parts of the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion, which is great for task achievement.