IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that it is a waste of time for high school students to study literature, such as novels and poems. what is this case? Is there any benefits for this ?

#people #waste #time #school #students #study #literature #novels #poems #case
There is a fact that several higher education
students
 find
literature
 tedious and unessential.
For
Change preposition
From
show examples
 the perspective of the writer, the primary cause for
this
is come
Change to the active voice
comes
has come
show examples
 from the poor teacher systems but it has many beneficial effects on human lives.
Initially
, it is apparent that the crucial reason regards the quality of
teachers
 at schools.
Indeer
Correct your spelling
Indeed
, an attractive teacher who can limber up the class or even has an
in-deep
Correct your spelling
in-depth
show examples
 knowledge and teaching skills has more abilities to make
students
 have more interest in
literature
.
In contrast
, an inexperienced teacher
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have enough teaching skills and methods and just teach their
students
 based on the plan before.
As a result
, the mood of
students
 about
this
 field of study will
be declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
 and it will become their hated subject. Take the Vietnamese
teachers
 in the past as an example,
according to
 many surveys recently, there was over 70% of
students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dislike
literature
due to
 the poor standard of
teachers
. Regarding the advantage of
this
 subject, it can be seen that
literature
 can broaden
students
 ‘s
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 in different ways. Following
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
scientists ‘s
Remove the s
scientists'
show examples
 eyes, a cat is just an animal which has four legs
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
sorf
Correct your spelling
surf
 fur but in the
writers’s
Remove the s
writers’
show examples
 view, a cat can be considered a friend, a hero or a symbol
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some areas.
Hence
, through
literature
,
students
 can have a widespread insight about everything in the world that will be useful for them to manage
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lots of difficult circumstances in the near future.
To sum up
, the main reason for
this
 issue is the quality of
teachers
 at school.
However
, if
students
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
literature
 as their favourite subject, they can have a deeper and wider sight.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction is clear and outlines the main aspects of the discussion. However, it could be slightly improved by defining the specific arguments more clearly. For example, you could mention that the essay will discuss both the perceived waste of time and the potential benefits of studying literature.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay logically flows and each paragraph supports the main argument, it would benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using linking words or phrases can help in better connecting your ideas.
overall
There are a few grammatical and word choice errors. For instance, “the primary cause... is come from” should be “the primary cause... comes from” and “an attractive teacher” could be “an engaging teacher”. Proofreading your essay and focusing on these small errors can help.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is present, but it could be more robust. Reinforce the arguments made in the essay and restate your position more firmly.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for task response. You look at both why students might find literature uninteresting and what benefits it might hold for them.
task response
The example of Vietnamese teachers adds a strong, concrete element to support your argument. Using specific examples strengthens your writing and provides clear evidence for your points.
coherence and cohesion
Many of your ideas are logically structured and easy to follow. This makes your essay more coherent and helps the reader understand your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: