IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries owning a home rather than renting is very importance to people.

#countries #home #importance #people
As in modern society owning a
home
 rather than renting would bring quite good value to residences.There are several factors we should consider when we purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land or
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 apartment
such
 as weather conditions facilities Accommodation
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 etc. When we talk about the advantages of having your own land the factors are as below let's discuss them one by one. The owner has a comfort zone. Since the
home
is belonging
Wrong verb form
belongs
show examples
 to himself he or she has a free mind about the situation of having your own
home
. More there won't be any dough about security and a better protector place for them. Another key is Individuals can replace and arrange in order since the perfect personalization is in control.
Therefore
 owning a house would be easy for
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 depending on their economic status or Job status. By talking about renting a house nation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to face financial risk.
while
 talking about past experiences most
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
 faced unplanned situations during a pandemic. It was been one of
hard
Add an article
the hard
show examples
 time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 since it caused a lot of trouble for people's finances. crowd lost their jobs and could not afford to pay for rental houses.in other moving from place to place costs
amount
Correct article usage
a amount
show examples
 of money. Renting residence
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
 social inequality. Owning a
home
 states that the community is unstable. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 having own residence has more value and advantages rather than renting. It can be a milestone for most population in their lifetime owning a
home
. These above factors have enough Examples
to conclude
.
Submitted by agdanush on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea that directly supports your thesis.
examples
Make sure your key points are directly supported with relevant and specific examples. This will help to strengthen your argument.
grammar
Review your grammar and sentence structures to ensure clarity and precision. This will improve the readability of your essay.
structure
You have an introduction and a conclusion, which gives your essay a clear beginning and end.
content
You address multiple aspects of the topic, such as financial risk and personalization, which shows a good understanding of the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: