The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession or if they should adopt a pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a conversation going on regarding whether the decision of their
job
should be taken by youth
themselves or by in a more planned way thinking about the Correct article usage
the youth
job
industry in years to come.
Job
is what we are going to do throughout our whole lives. So, it should give some kind of satisfaction to the individual to carry on with more career development . When we consider about
the above fact,it is better to choose a Change preposition
apply
future
career for young people themselves as they are the people who know their own passion more than anyone.
When it comes to the
adopting a pragmatic approach, it is very convenient and secure.BecauseCorrect article usage
apply
,
we can study Remove the comma
apply
about
the Change preposition
apply
future
job
market and start studies accordingly
.Job
security and income are safeguarded in this
entering
as we have a broad vision.
In my opinion,I think we should consider both approaches giving equal weight and should come to a conclusion.We can ask kids about their Replace the word
entry
future
dreams and then
we can educate them regarding the future
job
market.Leading them to the correct path to find their passion according to
what the world needs would be really beneficial.
To sum up
,freedom should be given to youth to select their profession while
adopting a pragmatic approach to some extent will be the best way to decide on a
Remove the article
apply
future
care.Submitted by dinaka0001 on
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task achievement
Your essay does address both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion, which is good. However, it would benefit from deeper elaboration on each point and more specific examples to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas more comprehensively to provide a clearer and more detailed response to the task. Adding some relevant and specific examples can also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a good logical structure to your essay, but ensuring each paragraph is more thoroughly developed will improve coherence. Providing clear transitions between ideas will also help.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Including more linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose well. However, a more detailed conclusion could reinforce your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and offers your own opinion, which is essential for a high score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly outline and summarize your main points, which is good practice.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, which helps in understanding your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.