IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that edcation should be the responsible of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themsevles . Dicuss both views , express your opinion .

#people #edcation #government #responsibility #individuals #themsevles #dicuss
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The debate over whether
education
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 should be the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 or the individual is multifaceted, reflecting differing views on societal roles and personal accountability. Proponents of
government
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responsibility
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 argue that
education
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 is a public good essential for the development of a well-informed, capable populace. They assert that the
government
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 has the resources and infrastructure to provide universal access to quality
education
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, ensuring that all
individuals
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, regardless of their socio-economic background, have the opportunity to learn and succeed.
This
Linking Words
 approach can reduce educational inequalities, support national development, and foster a more equitable society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that
education
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 should be primarily an individual
responsibility
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. They argue that personal initiative and motivation are crucial for educational success and that
individuals
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 should be accountable for their own learning.
This
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 perspective emphasizes self-reliance, encouraging people to seek out educational opportunities, invest in their own skills, and make the most of available resources. Proponents of
this
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 view believe that personal
responsibility
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 can drive
individuals
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 to excel and innovate, leading to greater
overall
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 progress. In my opinion,
education
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 should be a shared
responsibility
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 between the
government
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 and
individuals
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. The
government
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 should ensure equitable access to high-quality
education
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 and provide support structures,
such
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 as funding and infrastructure, to address systemic barriers.
However
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,
individuals
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also
Linking Words
 need to engage actively with their
education
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, take initiative, and leverage available resources effectively. A collaborative approach can maximize educational outcomes and promote both individual and societal advancement.
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task achievement
The essay could be enhanced by providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate key points. This would strengthen the arguments and provide more concrete evidence.
task achievement
Ensure to maintain the same level of clarity and comprehensiveness throughout the essay. While the ideas are clear and well-articulated, strive to keep the clarity consistent in all parts of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Focus on crafting smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. This will enhance the overall cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, reflecting a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively linked, offering a clear structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, providing depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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