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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian counties living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian counties living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #counties #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The graph shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 living in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020 and the prediction of the next two
decades
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
population
Use synonyms
 in cities showing an upward trend in 5
decades
Use synonyms
 and
would be
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 steadily increase for the next two
decades
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1970 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people who lived in cities in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 showed
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 number at about 30 percent, just over Malaysia. Even though stood at the highest total
population
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 country showed
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 development in the first 4
decades
Use synonyms
 and Gradually
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 until
reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 peak which
predicted
Add a missing verb
was predicted
show examples
 at about 50%.
moreover
Linking Words
, Malaysia showed a dramatic increase and
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to
become
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, reaching more than double in 2040. In line with
this
Linking Words
, Thailand which stood
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 under 20% in 1970 showed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive progress and
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to reach more than double in 2040,
although
Linking Words
being
Verb problem
it has
show examples
lowest
Add an article
a lowest
the lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will live in
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 cities in the next two
decades
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Indonesia is the country which has the lowest total
percentage
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five
past
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
decades
Use synonyms
, at about 15%, showing a remarkable
percentage
Use synonyms
 after 5
decades
Use synonyms
 and predicted remain climb up until its peak in 2040, counted at about triple
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 5
decades
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population, decades with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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