Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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The
music
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industry
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, just like other sectors, faces numerous threats that lead to loss of revenue and increased discouragement.
This
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industry
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will collapse if enough actions are not taken.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to decrease the impacts of threats, international
bodies
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should act promptly and effectively. From my perspective, regulatory
bodies
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must apply greater control and Supervision and access to
music
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needs to be easier and cheaper. First of all, as we experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic, actions from the international body are crucial and play a primary role in protecting the
music
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industry
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from
piracy
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. Of course, if all
countries
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do not obey the international copywriting laws, nothing is changed about
piracy
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.
For instance
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, Iran is one of the
countries
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that does not have enough supervision of copywriting laws, so the existence of
this
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gap will cause
music
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to be published illegally at the international level.
As a result
Linking Words

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, regulatory
bodies
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should be controlled more and define sufficient punishment for
countries
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that do not obey the copywriting rules.
Secondly
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, the high cost of living forces people to find the cheapest way to listen to
music
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even with Peer-to-peer networks freely.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my opinion, preparing
music
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at a low price is a great way to decrease copyright infringement.
For example
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, encouraging people to use the original brands
instead
Linking Words

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of fake clothes by selling some products in seasonal promotions by well-known clothing brands is the guaranteed method against digital
piracy
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and counterfeit
music
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websites.
To sum up
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, on the one hand,
by
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
establishing and implementing fair and equal
copywrite
Correct your spelling
copywriting

If you don’t want copywrite to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

laws in all
countries
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throughout the world against digital
piracy
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and
supervising
Replace the word
supervision

The word supervising doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
by international regulatory
bodies
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
on the other hand
Linking Words

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, providing
low price
Add a hyphen
low-price

It seems that low price is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by selling strategies can reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of threatening in the
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

industry
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task response
Your introduction can be slightly improved for clarity. Consider stating your main argument more explicitly and concisely at the end of the introduction.
task response
Some examples provided are weak or do not fully illustrate your points. Try to offer more concrete and directly relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure there is a clear linkage between all your points and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have well-defined main points and the arguments are generally supported with suitable explanations.
task achievement
You have comprehensively addressed the question and presented clear ideas on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual property
  • piracy
  • copyright infringement
  • revenue loss
  • digital rights management (DRM)
  • streaming platforms
  • illegal downloads
  • file sharing
  • economic impact
  • ethical considerations
  • music royalties
  • legislation
  • consumer ethics
  • affordable alternatives
  • music industry sustainability
  • emerging artists
  • legitimate sources
  • pirated content
  • distribution platforms
  • technological countermeasures
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