Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
The
music
industry
, just like other sectors, faces numerous threats that lead to loss of revenue and increased discouragement. This
industry
will collapse if enough actions are not taken. Thus
, to decrease the impacts of threats, international bodies
should act promptly and effectively. From my perspective, regulatory bodies
must apply greater control and Supervision and access to music
needs to be easier and cheaper.
First of all, as we experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic, actions from the international body are crucial and play a primary role in protecting the music
industry
from piracy
. Of course, if all countries
do not obey the international copywriting laws, nothing is changed about piracy
. For instance
, Iran is one of the countries
that does not have enough supervision of copywriting laws, so the existence of this
gap will cause music
to be published illegally at the international level. As a result
, regulatory bodies
should be controlled more and define sufficient punishment for countries
that do not obey the copywriting rules.
Secondly
, the high cost of living forces people to find the cheapest way to listen to music
even with Peer-to-peer networks freely. Therefore
, in my opinion, preparing music
at a low price is a great way to decrease copyright infringement. For example
, encouraging people to use the original brands instead
of fake clothes by selling some products in seasonal promotions by well-known clothing brands is the guaranteed method against digital piracy
and counterfeit music
websites.
To sum up
, on the one hand, by
establishing and implementing fair and equal Change preposition
apply
copywrite
laws in all Correct your spelling
copywriting
countries
throughout the world against digital piracy
and supervising
by international regulatory Replace the word
supervision
bodies
and on the other hand
, providing low price
Add a hyphen
low-price
music
by selling strategies can reduce risk
of threatening in the Correct article usage
the risk
music
industry
.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task response
Your introduction can be slightly improved for clarity. Consider stating your main argument more explicitly and concisely at the end of the introduction.
task response
Some examples provided are weak or do not fully illustrate your points. Try to offer more concrete and directly relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure there is a clear linkage between all your points and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have well-defined main points and the arguments are generally supported with suitable explanations.
task achievement
You have comprehensively addressed the question and presented clear ideas on the topic.
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