IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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The
music
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industry
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, just like other sectors, faces numerous threats that lead to loss of revenue and increased discouragement.
This
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industry
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 will collapse if enough actions are not taken.
Thus
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, to decrease the impacts of threats, international
bodies
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 should act promptly and effectively. From my perspective, regulatory
bodies
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 must apply greater control and Supervision and access to
music
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 needs to be easier and cheaper. First of all, as we experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic, actions from the international body are crucial and play a primary role in protecting the
music
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industry
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 from
piracy
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. Of course, if all
countries
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 do not obey the international copywriting laws, nothing is changed about
piracy
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.
For instance
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, Iran is one of the
countries
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 that does not have enough supervision of copywriting laws, so the existence of
this
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 gap will cause
music
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 to be published illegally at the international level.
As a result
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, regulatory
bodies
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 should be controlled more and define sufficient punishment for
countries
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 that do not obey the copywriting rules.
Secondly
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, the high cost of living forces people to find the cheapest way to listen to
music
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 even with Peer-to-peer networks freely.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, preparing
music
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 at a low price is a great way to decrease copyright infringement.
For example
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, encouraging people to use the original brands
instead
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 of fake clothes by selling some products in seasonal promotions by well-known clothing brands is the guaranteed method against digital
piracy
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 and counterfeit
music
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 websites.
To sum up
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, on the one hand,
by
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apply
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establishing and implementing fair and equal
copywrite
Correct your spelling
copywriting
 laws in all
countries
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 throughout the world against digital
piracy
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 and
supervising
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supervision
show examples
 by international regulatory
bodies
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 and
on the other hand
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, providing
low price
Add a hyphen
low-price
show examples
music
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 by selling strategies can reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of threatening in the
music
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industry
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.

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task response
Your introduction can be slightly improved for clarity. Consider stating your main argument more explicitly and concisely at the end of the introduction.
task response
Some examples provided are weak or do not fully illustrate your points. Try to offer more concrete and directly relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure there is a clear linkage between all your points and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have well-defined main points and the arguments are generally supported with suitable explanations.
task achievement
You have comprehensively addressed the question and presented clear ideas on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual property
  • piracy
  • copyright infringement
  • revenue loss
  • digital rights management (DRM)
  • streaming platforms
  • illegal downloads
  • file sharing
  • economic impact
  • ethical considerations
  • music royalties
  • legislation
  • consumer ethics
  • affordable alternatives
  • music industry sustainability
  • emerging artists
  • legitimate sources
  • pirated content
  • distribution platforms
  • technological countermeasures
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