IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Band 7+: Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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The singing management, just like other sectors, faces numerous threats that lead to loss of revenue and increased discouragement.
This
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 management will collapse if enough actions are not taken.
Thus
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, to decrease the impacts of threats,
international
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the international
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 crowd should act promptly and effectively. From my perspective,
regulatory
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the regulatory
a regulatory
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 community must apply greater control and Supervision and access to melody needs to be easier and cheaper. First of all, as we experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic, actions from the international body are crucial and play a primary role in protecting the
tune
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TUNE
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 corporation from hijacking. Of course, if all
state
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states
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 do not obey the international copywriting laws, nothing is changed about infringement.
For instance
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, Iran is one of the
society
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societies
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 that does not have enough supervision of copywriting laws, so the existence of
this
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 gap will cause
soul
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souls
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 to be published illegally at the international level.
As a result
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,
regulatory
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the regulatory
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 population should be controlled more and
define
Verb problem
apply
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sufficient punishment for
public
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the public
a public
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 that
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not obey the copywriting rules.
Secondly
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, the high cost of living forces people to find the cheapest way to listen to melody even with Peer-to-peer networks freely.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, preparing rock at a low price is a great way to decrease copyright infringement.
For example
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, encouraging people to use the original brands
instead
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 of fake clothes by selling some products in seasonal promotions by well-known clothing brands is the guaranteed method against digital infringement and counterfeit opera websites.
To sum up
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, on the one hand, establishing and implementing fair and equal copywriting laws in all
state
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states
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 throughout the world against digital plagiarism and supervision by international regulatory bodies and
on the other hand
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, providing low-price soul by selling strategies can reduce the risk of threatening in the music industry.

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language
To enhance your essay, focus on using precise and accurate vocabulary. For instance, instead of 'singing management,' use 'music industry,' and replace 'melody' with 'music.' This will improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Enhance your argument by providing a wider range of specific examples. More concrete and detailed examples will strengthen your points and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
language
Ensure that the essay remains clear and free from grammatical errors. Some of your sentences are a bit complex and hard to follow – simplifying them will help in improving your overall communication.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task response
You have successfully addressed the topic by discussing the threats illegal music sites pose to the music industry and suggesting solutions. This shows a good grasp of the issue.
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