The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . 

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of attendants who contributed to the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
3 technological companies from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the male
participants
Use synonyms
saw an upward trend in all businesses throughout the timeframe,
however
Linking Words
, there are more
Use synonyms
IBM's
Change noun form
IBM
show examples
employees than others.
Additionally
Linking Words
, even though most of the
participants
Use synonyms
came from Apple business when it comes to the previous years of 1990, it was replaced by
IBM
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 years later. With regards to the first 2 companies which had
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
attendants,
IBM
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
Microsoft made up about 5% and 6% of the employees by 1980, respectively. As for the
IBM
Use synonyms
's
participants
Use synonyms
, it increased sharply until 2010 with roughly 64%. In terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Microsoft's attendants, it rose steadily to 15% by 2000 before exceeding Apple in the
last
Linking Words
10 years by around 45%. Turning the focus on the
remainning
Correct your spelling
remaining
company
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 15% of the workers at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. Meanwhile, Apple's
participants
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
slightly to reach a minor peak of 21% by 1995 before going up to 25% by the end of the period.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, ibm with synonyms.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage participation
  • senior development roles
  • observed trends
  • notable increases/decreases
  • significant changes
  • consistency over time
  • influencing factors
  • industry shifts
  • socio-economic factors
  • comparison of data
  • similarities and differences
  • overall trends
  • implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: