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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the table shows data about underghround railway systems in six majhor cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger nuymbers per year in millions.

the table shows data about underghround railway systems in six majhor cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger nuymbers per year in millions.
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I've reviewed the essay and found several grammatical issues. Here's the corrected structure: The table below depicts **information** about underground tramways in six core cities, consisting of the opening date, distance operated, and the number of users every year. The units are years,
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kilometers
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kilometres
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, and millions, respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
although
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 opened sooner than Paris and London, Tokyo's underground systems accounted for the largest quantity of passengers. Meanwhile, Kyoto and Los Angeles' formations were operated
last
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, which showed mere customers.
Initially
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, despite the fact that underground railway systems possessed by the London government opened in 1863 and operated around 394
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kilometers
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kilometres
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, attracting only 775
million
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 users—less than the 416
million
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 users of Paris, which opened in 1900 and ran 199
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kilometers
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kilometres
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. It can be seen that equivalent figures appeared in Tokyo's tramway, which ran 27 years earlier than Paris and operated only 155
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kilometers
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kilometres
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, attracting up to 1928
million
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 customers. Moving onto the remaining statistics, it can be observed that Washington DC's subway, established in 1976 with 45
million
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 passengers and a 126-kilometer route,
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whereas obtaining
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obtained
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 triple the number of customers of Washington formation. Kyoto subway solely ran 11
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kilometers
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kilometres
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 and opened in 1981.
Finally
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, after 20 years when the formation subway of DC ran, the same systems in Los Angeles were established which finished a distance of 28
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kilometers
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kilometres
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 and accounted for 50
million
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 users per year.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kilometers, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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