IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some people believe that one of the best ways to solve environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #cost #fuel #cars #vehicles
In order to tackle the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
, others think, one of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 is to increase the price of
fuel
 for any kind of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. I believe, there is no
corelation
Correct your spelling
correlation
 between the rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
fuel
 and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 settlement.
Thus
, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion and my elaboration will be covered in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, the reason why I am not in a camp with
this
 idea
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
this
 is not a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 notion to tackle
environmental
Add an article
the environmental
show examples
 problem. By doing
this
, it will make an increase
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 numerous
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 and
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
, and it will make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
swift
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
inflation. Bangka Belitung,
for example
, is one of
Add an article
the province
a province
show examples
province
Fix the agreement mistake
provinces
show examples
 in Indonesia which ever be popular
due to
 its natural resources and
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mining.
However
, after the resources had taken down and the
environment
 was in severe condition, the local government
rose
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 the
cost
 of
fuel
 in that region in order to cover the rejuvenation mining program.
As a consequence
, any
cost
 of
goodstuff
Correct your spelling
good stuff
 just emerged.
Nevertheless
, the program
was not succeed
Change the verb form
did not succeed
show examples
, because the rejuvenation
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 a large amount of money and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brought the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 poverty.
Secondly
, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
fuel
 will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rise of
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of transportation which means
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
emerged
Replace the word
emergence
show examples
 of inflation. Take Bali Island as an example,
this
 prominent island
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 already become
Correct article usage
a tourism
show examples
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
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 destination
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tourists around the world.
Therefore
, they
challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
environmental problems but they do not leverage the
fuel
cost
. They just do
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 for tourists and locals to not litter their surroundings
as well as
 apply research
such
 as eco-enzymes in rivers or streams.
To conclude
, I convince you that increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
fuel
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not effective. I do believe,
this
 notion only
brings
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 the locals to suffer. Apart
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that, the rise of tax
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private vehicles will be more effective, because it will change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
, from using private
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to public transportation.
Furthermore
, it will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 and CO2 and solutive for our
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments directly address the prompt. You need to clearly explain why increasing fuel costs will not solve environmental problems and why other solutions might be better.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to avoid typographical and grammatical errors. Use standard expressions and sentence structures to make your essay clearer and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay clearly with well-developed paragraphs. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be distinct and clear.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs logically and smoothly. This will help in maintaining a good flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, which is essential for a well-developed essay.
task achievement
Your ideas show a clear understanding of the need for environmental preservation and alternative solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing your essay and giving it a comprehensive look.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental problem
  • increase the cost of fuel
  • cars and other vehicles
  • solve
  • to what extent do you agree or disagree
  • reasons for your answer
  • relevant examples
  • knowledge or experience
  • usage
  • alternative modes of transport
  • reduce
  • air pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • fund
  • development
  • renewable energy sources
  • disproportionately
  • low-income individuals
  • governments
  • implement
  • measures
  • mitigate
  • impact
  • vulnerable populations
What to do next:
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