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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.
#information #changes #modes #travel #england
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The table provides data for eight different ways of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 in England in 1985 and 2000.
First,
Linking Words
people walked and bicycled less in 2000
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to 1985, as
Use synonyms
distance
Correct article usage
the distance
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 in
miles
Use synonyms
 per person reduced from 255
miles
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 to 237
miles
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 and from 51
miles
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 to 41
miles
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Second,
Linking Words
distance
Use synonyms
 in
miles
Use synonyms
 in all motor
vechicle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
 modes of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 increased from 1985 compared to 2000, with
Correct article usage
the exeption
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exeption
Correct your spelling
exception
 of
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 bus option, which decreased from 429
miles
Use synonyms
 to 274 .
Interesting
Change the word
Interestingly
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the usage of
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
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,
although
Linking Words
 tripled in showing years, remained
only
Change preposition
at only
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 1%
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 the the most common way of travelling -
cars
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
long
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
distance
Use synonyms
 bus became more popular as well, more than doubled from 1985 to 2000, from 54
miles
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 to 124
miles
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, the most used mode of transportation
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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cars
Use synonyms
.
An
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 average
distance
Use synonyms
 in
miles
Use synonyms
 per
peron
Correct your spelling
person
 who
drived
Correct your spelling
drove
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 the
cars
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 accounted for 3199
miles
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 and 4806
miles
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 in 1985 and 2000 respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, during the
showen
Correct your spelling
show
15-years
Correct your spelling
15-year
 period of time, people
traveled
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travelled
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 more, and they used more
cars
Use synonyms
 and other
motore
Correct your spelling
motor
vechiles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 way of transportation,
however
Linking Words
, less walked or
cicycled
Correct your spelling
cycled
bicycled
 and less used the local buses.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words distance, miles, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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