IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The maps below the centre of a small town called Birshire as it is now, and plans for its development.

#maps #centre #town #birshire #plans #development
The diagrams illustrate how the
centre
 of the Berkshire town has been upgraded in the future. Looking from an
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that Birshire is predicted to have undergone significant changes from a rural town to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 urban area in order to meet the demands of residents,
while
 the public park and several houses will have remained unchanged.
In addition
, many new infrastructures will be constructed and a
centre
 will be rebuilt,
whereas
 all agricultural areas will be removed in the days to come. When it comes to the northeast part of
this
 plan, the Griffiths Farm is expected to be replaced by the supermarket.
Additionally
, Hoolahan Farm located in the east of Berkshire will be transformed into a car park.
Moreover
, the sports
centre
 will be set up in the position of the open field situated in the southeast;
however
, the public park will remain stable in the future. In terms of the west side of Birshire town, there will be an addition of a roundabout at the meeting Megoldrick and That street, and both roads will be expanded from the
centre
 to the west.
Finally
, the shops will be knocked down to build more houses for residential purposes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction present
Your introduction does a good job of giving a general overview of the changes in Birshire, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement summarizing the main developments highlighted in your essay. Adding more specific details in the concluding sentence could also help better encapsulate the transformation.
logical structure
While the essay is logically structured with paragraphs describing changes in different parts of the town, the text would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance cohesion. Using more cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Next,' 'Additionally,' etc., can help the reader follow your argument better.
complete response
Your essay effectively covers the key changes depicted in the maps, such as the transformation of farms into a supermarket and a car park. However, more emphasis on the timeline ('in the days to come,' 'in the future') can be beneficial for clarity.
supported main points
You managed to clearly describe multiple aspects of Birshire's planned development, including changes to farms, construction of a sports center, and expansion of roads. These details make your essay comprehensive in its coverage of the task.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-organized, with separate paragraphs discussing different parts of the town. This makes the information presented much easier to follow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your language usage is commendable, showing a good range of vocabulary and generally correct sentence structures. This contributes to the clarity and readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: