successful sports professionals can earn o great deal more money than people in other important professions.some prople think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
sports
professionals are obtaining more attention
among
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from
show examples
people from all over the world.Media is one of the main reasons that make a person get fame in no time.So
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
persons
are being treated like celebrities worldwide.To give a piece of one's mind ,talented
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
show examples
persons
should be compensated with more pay. To be at loggerheads,some might feel
this
suggestion is unfair .It is a fact that not all
the
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apply
show examples
sports
stars are
talented
Rephrase
as talented
show examples
than
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as
show examples
people who
works
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work
show examples
in other esteemed professions
such
as doctors,scientists and politicians .They play an important role in the growth of their nation .
Whereas
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
show examples
persons
play for themselves by using their country's name only as a label,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
they bring success and fame
for
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to
show examples
the whole nation.Because of
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
,people
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
keen attention to
sports
celebrities and treat other professions scornfully. In an honour
bound
Correct your spelling
bond
show examples
,those who have more talents must be paid with a huge amount of money.It is indeed that not all
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
show examples
persons
are
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
in their careers.Individuals who have
the
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apply
show examples
audacity and
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
nature are the one who relishes
with
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
victory.Even though they play for their personal goal,
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
they make in
sports
also
make the nation very proud.Considering
this
reason,it is fully
justifiedto
Correct your spelling
justified to
justified
let a
sports
person
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
earn a great deal of money.
To conclude
,
the
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apply
show examples
sports
professionals with
suffice
Replace the word
sufficient
show examples
tendency to accomplish something in their career are justified to acquire huge earnings.It clearly depicts that ,
sports man
Correct your spelling
sportsman
show examples
has more value than other professions
arount
Correct your spelling
around
the globe.
Submitted by atiya.noureen21 on

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task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and provided your opinion, which is in line with the task requirement. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the roles of sports professionals compared to other professions.
coherence cohesion
Some sections of the essay lack clarity. It would help to have clearer transitions between points to enhance readability. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and flow. For instance, 'To give a piece of one's mind' could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects ('sports persons are' instead of 'sports persons is').
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the tone for the essay. You have introduced the topic well and stated your opinion clearly.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your stance clearly.
supported main points
You have made some good points about the media's role in the fame of sports professionals and the comparison between sports professionals and other esteemed professions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compensate
  • lucrative
  • merchandise
  • revenue
  • societal values
  • financial disparity
  • essential services
  • inequality
  • economic contribution
  • employment
  • stimulant
  • career instability
  • job insecurity
  • mental and emotional stress
  • national pride
  • market demand
  • physical training
  • risks of injury
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