successful sports professionals can earn o great deal more money than people in other important professions.some prople think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Nowadays,
sports
professionals are obtaining more attention among
people from all over the world.Media is one of the main reasons that make a person get fame in no time.So Change preposition
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
persons
are being treated like celebrities worldwide.To give a piece of one's mind ,talented sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
persons
should be compensated with more pay.
To be at loggerheads,some might feel this
suggestion is unfair .It is a fact that not all the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
stars are talented
Rephrase
as talented
than
people who Change preposition
as
works
in other esteemed professions Change the verb form
work
such
as doctors,scientists and politicians .They play an important role in the growth of their nation .Whereas
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
persons
play for themselves by using their country's name only as a label,some times
they bring success and fame Correct your spelling
sometimes
for
the whole nation.Because of Change preposition
to
media
,people Correct article usage
the media
give
keen attention to Verb problem
pay
sports
celebrities and treat other professions scornfully.
In an honour bound
,those who have more talents must be paid with a huge amount of money.It is indeed that not all Correct your spelling
bond
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
persons
are successfull
in their careers.Individuals who have Correct your spelling
successful
the
audacity and Correct article usage
apply
hard working
nature are the one who relishes Add a hyphen
hard-working
with
Change preposition
apply
the
victory.Even though they play for their personal goal,Correct article usage
apply
achievements
they make in Correct article usage
the achievements
sports
also
make the nation very proud.Considering this
reason,it is fully justifiedto
let a Correct your spelling
justified to
justified
sports
person to
earn a great deal of money.
Change the verb form
apply
To conclude
,the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
professionals with suffice
tendency to accomplish something in their career are justified to acquire huge earnings.It clearly depicts that ,Replace the word
sufficient
sports man
has more value than other professions Correct your spelling
sportsman
arount
the globe.Correct your spelling
around
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task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and provided your opinion, which is in line with the task requirement. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the roles of sports professionals compared to other professions.
coherence cohesion
Some sections of the essay lack clarity. It would help to have clearer transitions between points to enhance readability. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and flow. For instance, 'To give a piece of one's mind' could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects ('sports persons are' instead of 'sports persons is').
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the tone for the essay. You have introduced the topic well and stated your opinion clearly.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your stance clearly.
supported main points
You have made some good points about the media's role in the fame of sports professionals and the comparison between sports professionals and other esteemed professions.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?