successful sports professionals can earn o great deal more money than people in other important professions.some prople think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions #prople

Nowadays,

sports

professionals are obtaining more attention

among

Change preposition

from

show examples

people from all over the world.Media is one of the main reasons that make a person get fame in no time.So

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

persons

are being treated like celebrities worldwide.To give a piece of one's mind ,talented

sports

Correct your spelling

sportspersons

show examples

persons

should be compensated with more pay. To be at loggerheads,some might feel

this

suggestion is unfair .It is a fact that not all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

stars are

talented

Rephrase

as talented

show examples

than

Change preposition

show examples

people who

works

Change the verb form

work

show examples

in other esteemed professions

such

as doctors,scientists and politicians .They play an important role in the growth of their nation .

Whereas

sports

Correct your spelling

sportspersons

show examples

persons

play for themselves by using their country's name only as a label,

some times

Correct your spelling

sometimes

show examples

they bring success and fame

for

Change preposition

show examples

the whole nation.Because of

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

,people

give

Verb problem

pay

show examples

keen attention to

sports

celebrities and treat other professions scornfully. In an honour

bound

Correct your spelling

bond

show examples

,those who have more talents must be paid with a huge amount of money.It is indeed that not all

sports

Correct your spelling

sportspersons

show examples

persons

are

successfull

Correct your spelling

successful

in their careers.Individuals who have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

audacity and

hard working

Add a hyphen

hard-working

show examples

nature are the one who relishes

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

victory.Even though they play for their personal goal,

achievements

Correct article usage

the achievements

show examples

they make in

sports

also

make the nation very proud.Considering

this

reason,it is fully

justifiedto

Correct your spelling

justified to

justified

let a

sports

person

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

earn a great deal of money.

To conclude

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

professionals with

suffice

Replace the word

sufficient

show examples

tendency to accomplish something in their career are justified to acquire huge earnings.It clearly depicts that ,

sports man

Correct your spelling

sportsman

show examples

has more value than other professions

arount

Correct your spelling

around

the globe.

Submitted by atiya.noureen21 on Sat Jun 08 2024

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task achievement

You have effectively discussed both views and provided your opinion, which is in line with the task requirement. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the roles of sports professionals compared to other professions.

coherence cohesion

Some sections of the essay lack clarity. It would help to have clearer transitions between points to enhance readability. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the argument presented.

coherence cohesion

There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and flow. For instance, 'To give a piece of one's mind' could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects ('sports persons are' instead of 'sports persons is').

introduction conclusion present

The introduction is clear and sets the tone for the essay. You have introduced the topic well and stated your opinion clearly.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your stance clearly.

supported main points

You have made some good points about the media's role in the fame of sports professionals and the comparison between sports professionals and other esteemed professions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

247 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

compensate
lucrative
merchandise
revenue
societal values
financial disparity
essential services
inequality
economic contribution
employment
stimulant
career instability
job insecurity
mental and emotional stress
national pride
market demand
physical training
risks of injury

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successful sports professionals can earn o great deal more money than people in other important professions.some prople think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The process of producing drinking water by solar powered pump and filter

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The provided illustration presents a comparison of the number of male and female participants in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, as well as the overall number of participants over the same period.