IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

successful sports professionals can earn o great deal more money than people in other important professions.some prople think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
sports
Use synonyms
 professionals are obtaining more attention
among
Change preposition
from
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 people from all over the world.Media is one of the main reasons that make a person get fame in no time.So
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
persons
Use synonyms
 are being treated like celebrities worldwide.To give a piece of one's mind ,talented
Use synonyms
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
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persons
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 should be compensated with more pay. To be at loggerheads,some might feel
this
Linking Words
 suggestion is unfair .It is a fact that not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
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 stars are
talented
Rephrase
as talented
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than
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as
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 people who
works
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work
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 in other esteemed professions
such
Linking Words
 as doctors,scientists and politicians .They play an important role in the growth of their nation .
Whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
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persons
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 play for themselves by using their country's name only as a label,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
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 they bring success and fame
for
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to
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 the whole nation.Because of
media
Correct article usage
the media
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,people
give
Verb problem
pay
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 keen attention to
sports
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 celebrities and treat other professions scornfully. In an honour
bound
Correct your spelling
bond
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,those who have more talents must be paid with a huge amount of money.It is indeed that not all
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sports
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
show examples
persons
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 are
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in their careers.Individuals who have
the
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apply
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audacity and
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
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 nature are the one who relishes
with
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apply
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the
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apply
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victory.Even though they play for their personal goal,
achievements
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the achievements
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 they make in
sports
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also
Linking Words
 make the nation very proud.Considering
this
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 reason,it is fully
justifiedto
Correct your spelling
justified to
justified
 let a
sports
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 person
to
Change the verb form
apply
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earn a great deal of money.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
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 professionals with
suffice
Replace the word
sufficient
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 tendency to accomplish something in their career are justified to acquire huge earnings.It clearly depicts that ,
Use synonyms
sports man
Correct your spelling
sportsman
show examples
 has more value than other professions
arount
Correct your spelling
around
 the globe.

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task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and provided your opinion, which is in line with the task requirement. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the roles of sports professionals compared to other professions.
coherence cohesion
Some sections of the essay lack clarity. It would help to have clearer transitions between points to enhance readability. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for better clarity and flow. For instance, 'To give a piece of one's mind' could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects ('sports persons are' instead of 'sports persons is').
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the tone for the essay. You have introduced the topic well and stated your opinion clearly.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your stance clearly.
supported main points
You have made some good points about the media's role in the fame of sports professionals and the comparison between sports professionals and other esteemed professions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compensate
  • lucrative
  • merchandise
  • revenue
  • societal values
  • financial disparity
  • essential services
  • inequality
  • economic contribution
  • employment
  • stimulant
  • career instability
  • job insecurity
  • mental and emotional stress
  • national pride
  • market demand
  • physical training
  • risks of injury
What to do next:
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