Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life.
Children
ought to be responsible for helping at home or at work. Others think children
ought to be excite
Change the verb form
be excited
be exciting
life
in their spare time. Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
children
should help adults to do houseworks
, Correct your spelling
housework
but
if Remove the conjunction
apply
children
only help adults they would
be Wrong verb form
will
unsociable
Add an article
an unsociable
the unsociable
person
in the Fix the agreement mistake
people
future
.
Children
of all ages ought to be help
their parents to do Change the verb form
help
houseworks
or Correct your spelling
housework
works
. It helps Fix the agreement mistake
work
children
to hard working in the future
and do works
responsibly. Wrong verb form
work
For example
, children
who helped their parents or adults to do houseworks
or Correct your spelling
housework
works
with Correct subject-verb agreement
work
charge
Add an article
the charge
a charge
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
successed
in the Correct your spelling
succeed
succeeded
future
do
their Wrong verb form
by doing
works
fluently, Fix the agreement mistake
work
good
and Change the word
well
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
responsibility
. Replace the word
responsible
Therefore
, children
should help and learn do
Correct your spelling
to
works
hard and fluently.
Wrong verb form
work
On the other hand
, if children
only help and learn something, they will be
regret in the Unnecessary verb
apply
future
why they did not pass their childhood with happiness. In childhood,many children
want to play games and enjoy life
. They should excite
their Verb problem
enjoy
life
with
playing games and Change preposition
by
have
entertainment with friends. It helps them increase their communication Wrong verb form
having
skills
and be happy such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
as
Change preposition
For
children
who play games with their friends in the
public Correct article usage
apply
they
have good communication Correct pronoun usage
apply
skills
and they
are happy in their Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Therefore
, children
ought to be have entertainment with friends to rise
their Correct your spelling
raise
skills
and do both of them balanced to do not fail in the future
.
In conclusion, children
ought to help and learn works
to
Replace the word
too
hard working
and feel Add a hyphen
hard-working
responsibility
but in childhood, Replace the word
responsible
children
should enjoy their life
to grow their skills
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Currently, the essay covers both viewpoints but does not fully expand on the implications of each. For instance, more detailed examples and reasons why children should or should not have extra responsibilities outside of school would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are unclear and contain grammatical errors which cause confusion. For instance: 'Therefore, children should help and learn do works hard and fluently' could be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully supported with relevant, specific examples. Adding more varied and detailed examples would make your argument stronger. For example, specify what kind of household chores or jobs would be appropriate and how they benefit children.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay. Work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas. Some parts of the essay seem disjointed, and cohesion can be improved by using linking words more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion. While both are present, they can be more impactful. For instance, you could add a hook in the introduction to grab the reader's attention and a summary of key points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is fully supported and clearly connected to your argument. Some arguments lack depth and need more elaboration. For example, explain more thoroughly why balancing fun and responsibility is beneficial for children's development.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion does a good job of summarizing your main points, which helps to bring closure to the essay.
task achievement
Your essay contains clear main ideas, which creates a solid foundation for your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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