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Band 5

The government is spending a lot of money discovering other planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of the public. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #planets #people
Nowadays, with the development of new technologies, governments tend to pay
money
 to explore the universe. Some citizens believe that the government wasting
money
 and must spend
money
 on solving community issues. I partially disagree with the statement. In
this
 essay, I will argue my own opinion. On the one hand, authorities should organise the expenses and the first concern for healthcare, education, social welfare and armed forces.
However
, when paying for vital services
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will help in the improvement of the economy and will provide a good quality
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
lives, resulting in a bright future,
consequently
.
On the other hand
, looking for another plant can assist in finding new resources
such
 as water, electricity and metals resources.
However
 ,searching the other plants can lead to the saturation of
inate
Correct your spelling
innate
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 needs for the exploration of unknown things.
Such
 as knowing about the nature of other plants,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 types and appearance of other creatures that are living there.
In addition
, it may contribute to the evolution of research technologies and methods.
As well as
,
invention
Add an article
the invention
an invention
show examples
 of new technology that may lead to solving many problems
such
 as climate change that appear eventually.
To sum up
, some people claim, the government shouldn't spend
money
 on discovering the universe. The governments must pay out
money
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their country. Authorities should organise their outgoing
money
. They should be giving priority to developing their countries and their societies by investing more
money
 in projects that could improve them.
Finally
, encouraging studies that are concerning
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the universe will be the second step after the enhancement of the economic status.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will help to clarify your arguments and demonstrate the practical implications of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas within the paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in understanding your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your argument is well-balanced as you discuss both sides of the issue before presenting your own perspective.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant to the topic. You discuss the necessity of funding for vital services as well as the benefits of space exploration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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