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Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #face #development
In
this
 technological period, a majority of
people
 try to find each other status via social media,
instead
 of paying a visit in person,
while
 it is usually helpful when it comes to a distance connection,
this
 way of communication may lead to some behavioural problems like depression, loneliness and greatness. Humankind
were
Change the verb form
was
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 born to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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communicative person, though, these days
people
 are getting far from each other. To delve into detail, increasing technology devices that made connection easier than humans had ever expected, yet the fact is true that
people
 intend to be more secure in terms of privacy and prefer to be secluded rather than being exposed to
people
's curiosity.
This
 bad point of advancement changed lots of celebrities'
life
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lives
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, namely, Selena Gomez had a horrible experience who
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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leaked her personal pictures through the web. It is a proven statement that having a live conversation in face-to-face circumstances is much more effective than being behind a PC for making a lovely relationship. The reliability of speaking presently is far more logical than trusting someone that there is no proof of being a human or a robot. The hair-raising development which
horrify
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horrifies
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people
 is the development of Deep Fake which emulates personal visage and voice in a real one. It is said that, today no one can trust
to
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apply
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their eyes. In conclusion,
instead
 of the fact that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of social media eases the way of communication,
however
, produces some crucial issues that make persons far from others.
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task achievement
Although the essay addresses the task and presents some clear ideas, the arguments could be better developed. Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the clarity and progression of your ideas. Make sure that each paragraph has one main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The essay brings up valid points about the impact of online socializing versus face-to-face communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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