IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Write the advantages and disadvantages of child labour.

#child #labour
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As we explore our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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, we are known to silent
struggles
Correct article usage
the struggles
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 of innocent
children
Use synonyms
 behind the doors of factories,farms and industries.
Such
Linking Words
 suppression of innocent smiles
are
Change the verb form
is
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 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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child
Use synonyms
labour
Use synonyms
.
Beside
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Besides
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 the
mix
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mixed
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 reviews about
this
Linking Words
 topic,
child
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labour
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 become a growing trend nowadays,making it a crucial scenario to discuss. To the one part of
argument
Add a comma
argument,
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 We can perceive
child
Use synonyms
labour
Use synonyms
 from a positive perspective.since the presence of limited job opportunities and hyperinflation,
child
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labour
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 become a prominent source of income for families facing economic challenges.
children
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 bearing their own expenses have put a relief on
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 income earner of the family.
moreover
Linking Words
,as part of
child
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labour
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,
children
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 are indulged in exhausting and repetitive tasks.
such
Linking Words
 continuous practice enhances the technical and manual skill set of
children
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,increasing their chances
to obtain
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of obtaining
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 demanding jobs in future.
To
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On
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 the other side of perspective,
child
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labour
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 can be an abusive act.
Due to
Linking Words
 poor working conditions and irrelevant working time schedules,
children
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 are exploited and forced
for
Change preposition
to
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continuous
Replace the word
continue
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 work at the compensation of minimal wages.
This
Linking Words
 just not only
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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a
Remove the article
apply
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mental pressure on
children
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 but
also
Linking Words
 disturbs their social life.
While
Linking Words
 dedicating sufficient time
of
Change preposition
to
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 the day,
children
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 are deprived of education and social activities.which
further
Linking Words
 limits their quality of life. Though
child
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labour
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is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 a crucial source
for
Change preposition
of
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 survival for families in
such
Linking Words
 economic crisis
but
Correct word choice
apply
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in my point of view, it is generally an oppressive action towards
children
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,forcing them to sacrifice their precious childhood and rights to obtain education
for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
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 their career opportunities.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. While the ideas are there, the paragraphs can be made clearer by using more connecting devices and transitional words that link sentences and ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with specific and relevant examples. This helps to strengthen your arguments and provides a more detailed analysis of the issue at hand.
general
Check for grammar and punctuation errors, such as the use of periods or spaces. Ensuring correct punctuation and grammar will improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, providing a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of child labour.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic, which helps in presenting a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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