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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about population growth in three major australian cities from 1992 to 2016.

The chart below gives information about population growth in three major australian cities from 1992 to 2016.
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The line graph provides information about the growth in the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who lived in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 in the period of 24 years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 at
first,
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of people among others, but
at the end
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 period, we saw that
this
Linking Words
 city became the most populated compared to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
.
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 population of almost 20k in 1992 which was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
.
Melbourne
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 and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 had around 22k and 25k respectively
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same year. From 1992 to 2001, all figures experienced a fluctuation and a rise at the same time, but
Melbourne
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 had a sudden dramatic decline in 2001,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 fall was ongoing for the next three years. In 2016,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a great
number
Use synonyms
 of nearly 110k and with a little difference
Melbourne
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 had almost 105k
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place, with a great margin
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 which at first was on the top, had only 50k.
This
Linking Words
 rise in the population of these three cities seems to be continued in the
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 years after the year 2016.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, melbourne, sydney, brisbane, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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