The graph illustrates how many graduate and postgraduate students in total did not join a full-time job after graduation in 2008.

The graph illustrates how many graduate and postgraduate students in total did not join a full-time job after graduation in 2008.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The graph illustrates how many graduate and postgraduate students in total did not join a full-time job after graduation in 2008.
The graph illustrates how many graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
in total did not join a full-time job after graduation in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
students
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choose to
study
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further
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
a few
students
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participate in voluntary
work
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and others are unemployed or
work
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as part-timers. It can easily be seen that the number of
students
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who graduate and postgraduate continue to pursue
further
Linking Words
study
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reached a peak ( 29,665 compared to 2,725 ) in 2008.
While
Linking Words
others who choose to stay unemployed are a little over half compared to those who choose
further
Linking Words
study
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(1,625 compared to 2,725 and 16,235 compared to 29,665 ). The second highest
work
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that
students
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wanted to do after graduation was part-time
work
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in 2008, with graduate
students
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accounting for two-thirds of
students
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compared to
further
Linking Words
study
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students
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( 17,735 compared to 29,665 ) and postgraduate
students
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occupying slightly less than
further
Linking Words
study
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students
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( 2,535 compared to 2,725 ). A very small quantity of
students
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choose to
work
Use synonyms
as a voluntary worker ( 345 for postgraduates and 3,500 for graduates ).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, study, work with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 7 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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