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Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #imp
We need to recognize that kids at that age need to be encouraged to a good morals and ideas, so we should make sure of what we teach them because it will stick within their heads for the rest of their life.
Firstly
, It seems to some folk that group activities are important and they will apply teamwork in the children's thoughts because it will help them when they grow up and get to enter the labour market,
also
 it will improve their social skills,
moreover
, group activities can be so much fun and enjoyable, on top of that, they will gain more confidence and trust in themselves.
On the other hand
, getting the kids to learn how to fix problems by themselves will teach them self-reliance and make them more creative because kids who can occupy themselves can react to difficult times better than those who were founded on teamwork,
furthermore
 having a self-occupation skill give the child a gut instinct to any problem that may come. In conclusion, both self-occupation and group activities are right we can see the positivity in both of them, so it's better to teach the children teamwork
as well as
 self-reliance, keep a balance between them, and not differentiate one from the other.
Submitted by slmansamiatti3178388 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the key points you will discuss. This helps to set the stage for your argument and ensures the reader knows what to expect.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, give concrete instances where group activities helped a child develop social skills or where self-reliance came in handy during tough times.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. For example, use transition words to create smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Maintain consistency in point of view and tone throughout the essay. This ensures that your essay stays focused and coherent from start to finish.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
The arguments for both organized group activities and self-occupation are clear and understandable, showing a fair discussion of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • structured activities
  • belonging
  • enriching environment
  • self-reliant
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • overprogramming
  • spontaneity
  • unstructured time
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