space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With the recent advancements in
technolog
Correct your spelling
technology
, the idea of finding a new planet where humankind can reside is becoming more and more
poupular
Correct your spelling
popular
. Since exploring space is a costly program, some people argue that
this
fund should be allocated to more essential areas. I agree with
this
point of view, and in the following essay, my idea will be supported with some rationale and examples.
To begin
with,
currently
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currently,
show examples
there are numerous issues that if they are given enough attention and budget,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be tackled. In my opinion,
instead
of investing money
on
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in
show examples
building spaceships and telescopes, the government should prioritize solving some
pre-exisitng
Correct your spelling
pre-existing
problems
such
as treating curable
disease
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diseases
show examples
and hunger.
For instance
, in a
worlds
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world
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where thousands of innocent children die of treatable diseases
due to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
in
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of
show examples
medications, it seems irresponsible if space exploration-related projects take precedence over
expansion
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the expansion
show examples
of
drug producing
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drug-producing
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companies.
Moreover
, regarding overcoming some vital obstacles
such
as hunger, if the right amount of money had been allocated, the numerous malnutrition-related deaths in
african
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African
show examples
countries would have been prevented. In short, since there are many solvable problems that need to be taken care of, it is an unreasonable choice to spend money on sending
astrounuts
Correct your spelling
astronauts
to other planets. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is argued by some that
due to
lack of energy and raw material resources,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind will eventually become dependent on sources from the outer world, as the earth's innate capacity to provide the
humans
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human's
humans'
show examples
needs has already started to exhaust. They hold the view that unless in a timely manner, some new reliable sources are found,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
in
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on
show examples
planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
will become impossible soon,
To conclude
,
although
the dream of finding a new planet seems to be intriguing
initially
, in my opinion, tackling some of the more important issues should be the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
show examples
priority,
therefore
with the correct funding,
thousand
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thousands
show examples
of lives will be saved annually.
Submitted by mhmdnekooeian on

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General
Ensure consistent spelling and avoid typographical errors for a more polished presentation (e.g., 'technology' instead of 'technolog').
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the coherence of the essay by more clearly linking the ideas between paragraphs. Transitions between sections can be smoother.
Task Achievement
Make sure all arguments are fully developed with detailed support and specific examples. This will strengthen your task response and coherence.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding and clarifying your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and fully address the topic.
Structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
The writer presents a clear viewpoint and supports it with relevant ideas and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
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