IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The world of work is forever changing at a fast pace. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestions for how people should prepare themselves for work in the future.

#world #work #pace #conditions #people #job #life #changes #suggestions #future
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 has altered so fast and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 can not depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today’s
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Sometimes, the employee can be suddenly changed by other individuals or even by artificial
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligence
intelligent
. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 are
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the development of technologies
as well as
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 level of human quality so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
suggestions should be made to tackle
this situations
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
. Both causes and
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 will be elaborated below. It is widely known that the advancement of technology is
one
 of the reasons why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
one
 company to
the others
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
.
This
 condition is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
common in
this
 modern era. It
happens
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 in Dompu, Nusa
tenggara
Change the capitalization
Tenggara
show examples
 barat (
one
 of the
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in Indonesia)
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the head office
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to reduce the total of teachers in the school because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 low level of human creativity
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
finally
, the head office
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to utilize online applications
such
 as “ Free4talk, speakpal,
grammarly
Change the capitalization
Grammarly
show examples
 or others” which are more attractive.
Besides
, using
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 can
also
 reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 or expenditures because they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 to pay the tutor.
However
,
this
 condition can not be denied
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 should be given to tackle
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
.
One
 of the solutions is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should have good values
such
 as creativity to attract the manager to maintain their work. The
people
 should have not only good value but
also
 have multitalented skills.
For instance
, in the entertainment world, the manager will be more like
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 who can be an actor,
a
Correct word choice
or a
show examples
singer in
one
 project. It can
be conclude
Change the verb form
be concluded
show examples
 that the cause of the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work life is
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the advancement of technology or AI which is made of many
scienties
Correct your spelling
scientists
 in
this
 modern era. Some of
Add an article
the suggestion
show examples
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 condition is the employee should adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the technology and have more creativity and skills.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on addressing the prompt directly. While the essay mentions technological advancements and the need for creativity, the reasons behind these changes could be expanded further, such as globalization and shifting economic landscapes.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas. This will help ensure the essay is easy to follow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will increase the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs to improve readability. Using cohesive devices and linking words will enhance the flow of the essay.
general language use
Be mindful of linguistic accuracy and diversity. Small grammatical errors, such as verb tense inconsistencies and spelling mistakes, can impact clarity.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of highlighting the impact of technology on job stability and suggests relevant solutions for future preparedness.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the context well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: