In many countries, people like to eat more food from other regions than can be grown in a local area. As a result, much of the food has to come from other regions. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, many
people
especially for
young Change preposition
apply
people
are
like to eat Unnecessary verb
apply
food
from other regions or even other countries like Korea, Japan, and so on. Should the government preserve the local food
for people
? Some people
believe that eating food
from other regions is one of the good achievement
. Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
However
, I would argue that this
is a negative development for people
because there are many disadvantages if people
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
food
from other regions. This
essay Change preposition
In this
i
will explain and elaborate Change the capitalization
I
why
Change preposition
on why
people
have to eat traditional food
rather than international cuisine. Some people
especially for
young Change preposition
apply
people
nowadays change their food
habit
from traditional to international Fix the agreement mistake
habits
cuisienes
. Correct your spelling
cuisines
cuisine
This
happen
because many Change the verb form
happens
youngster
always watching Change to a plural noun
youngsters
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
drama
or Fix the agreement mistake
dramas
any
international Correct quantifier usage
apply
movie
and they Fix the agreement mistake
movies
Add a missing verb
are interest
interest
Replace the word
interested
to try
those Change preposition
in trying
food
. Fix the agreement mistake
foods
This
trend makes
changing Verb problem
is
food
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
people
,
because many Remove the comma
apply
people
in the past eat
traditional Wrong verb form
ate
food
like chicken soup,
and fried rice but nowadays, they do not eat Remove the comma
apply
this
food
again, they prefer to eat like fried chicken from big
Add an article
a big
food
company, for
example
McD, KFC, and so on. Add the comma(s)
example,
In addition
, if elder people
asking
about traditional Wrong verb form
ask
food
, many young people
do not know about those food
, so, they only know about international Fix the agreement mistake
foods
food
that famous
in society. The government and relatives have to Add a missing verb
is famous
promoting
or Change the verb
promote
introducing
again about Wrong verb form
introduce
the
local Correct article usage
apply
food
to the young people
because in the future those food
can extinct if not many Fix the agreement mistake
foods
people
eat that
or produce Correct pronoun usage
them
this
food
. For instance
, rendang become one of delicious food
in the world just because many Fix the agreement mistake
foods
people
eat this
food
in
nowadays, not only Change preposition
apply
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
foreign people
like to eat rendang. In conclusion, the transformation of people
eating Change noun form
people's
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
todays
is Correct your spelling
today
negative
development because many traditional or local Add an article
a negative
food
will extinct if young Fix the agreement mistake
foods
people
not
Add a missing verb
do not
preseverence
Correct your spelling
perceive
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these foods
food
in society.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task appropriately, but it would benefit from a clearer and more organized introduction. Make sure your thesis statement clearly outlines your main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Additionally, your paragraphs should start with topic sentences that clearly indicate the focus of each paragraph.
Grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings present. Work on improving sentence structure and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
Task Achievement
In your support paragraphs, make sure to provide specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have made a clear effort to respond to the question, and your argument against the trend of favoring international cuisine is evident.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as mentioning rendang and Korean drama influences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and reiterates your stance on the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite