IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#visitors #attractions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
argured
Correct your spelling
argued
 that foreign tourists are
suppoed
Correct your spelling
supposed
 to spend more
money
 than domestic ones when visiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and historical
attractions
.
Although
 it may yield benefits for the local society, I firmly do not agree with
this
 opinion. To commence, there are a variety of reasons for
enforcing
Verb problem
forcing
show examples
 abroad individuals to
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more
money
 on domestic
attractions
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the local residents.
First,
it costs plenty of
money
 for the host country to maintain and protect those
attractions
, and those financial supports come from extra taxes paid by local people.
By contrast
, those
taxes
Fix the agreement mistake
tax fees
show examples
fee
 are
avioded
Correct your spelling
avoided
 by foreign individuals.
For example
, some famous paintings like sunflowers and
night
Correct article usage
the night
show examples
 sky in
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 need experts to check their situation,
as well as
securties
Correct your spelling
securities
 to ensure them away from
crinimals
Correct your spelling
criminals
. Those
staffes
Correct your spelling
staff
salary
Change the determiner
salaries
show examples
 are normally paid by the taxes from local citizens.
Therefore
, it is fair
for charging
Change preposition
to charge
show examples
 foreign
visitors
 more entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
Second,
due to
 the fact that foreigners are not
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with those
attractions
, they
are fail
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
 to take care of those
attractions
 enough when visiting.
Therefore
, they are more likely to make some
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 without
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
, compared to the local
visitors
. To make up those destructions, they should be charged with more
money
.
By contrast
, I hold the view that local and foreign
visitors
 should not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and historical
attractions
.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 reason for
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is that requiring more entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for foreigner may decrease their enthusiasm to
arrival
Replace the word
arrive
show examples
 at those
attractions
, which imposes adverse impacts on the spread of local culture.
For example
, if palace
muesum
Correct your spelling
museum
are requiring
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 more
money
 for
USA
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 citizens, there will be fewer
Amercian
Correct your spelling
Americans
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 to that place and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 in touch with Chinese culture,
thus
obstruct
Change the form of the verb
obstructing
show examples
 its dissemination. Another reason is that it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
host
Correct article usage
the host
show examples
 country's economy
with charging
Change preposition
to charge
show examples
 higher
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for foreigners
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because fewer
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 individuals would like to visit the local district.
Subsequently
, there will be a decline in local tourism industries, alongside
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 revenue from the
foriegner's
Correct your spelling
foreigner's
foreigners
 consumption.
Therefore
, they should be treated equally. In conclusion, there are some reasons for requiring more
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
visitors
, but I think they should be treated as local people.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The task response is decent, and you cover both sides of the argument reasonably well. However, improve the clarity and depth of your ideas to enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and that your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples. This will improve your coherence.
coherence cohesion
Focus on eliminating grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Using diverse sentence types will also help in better expressing your ideas.
task achievement
Good attempt at presenting a balanced argument by acknowledging both perspectives, which adds depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: