IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decresing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Presently, it is undeniable that the increasing of rural residents
migrates
Wrong verb form
migrating
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 to
a thriving cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a thriving city
thriving cities
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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causes a reduction of population in the countryside
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 in
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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countries
Change preposition
of countries
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.
This
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 statement offers merit and disadvantage development to society. In my perspective, the advantages witness outweigh the drawbacks, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, moving
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural citizens could be the drawbacks which are not only societal living but
also
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 high expenses to people.
In other words
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,
this
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 can be experienced
to
Change preposition
by
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 a rise
of
Change preposition
in
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population
Add an article
the population
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 at the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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, resulting in
an
Remove the article
apply
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overcrowding at the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 city. A clear example is that the price of goods, foods and apartments will be surged.
This
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 can be emphasized that the more residing people
affects
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affect
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 an increase of high costs in goods and living costs, which will be the potential economic problem.
On the other hand
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,
imigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
 could be fostered
new
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with new
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 opportunities and several workforces
among
Change preposition
in
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 developed environments.
For example
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, my colleague has moved from
a
Correct article usage
the
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 countryside to work
at
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
an
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indutrial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 town as there are various chances to decide
interested
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on interested
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 careers in order to increase wages and incomes.
Linking Words
Further
Add an article
A further
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 example is that many students obtain more choices for choosing universities, courses, and future career paths.
This
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 is unavoidable that moving to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 thriving city can acquire better opportunities
to
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. In conclusion,
while
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this
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 phenomenon provides positive and negative developments, I personally believe that migrating to the industrial town results in more chances in terms of working and academic development
to
Change preposition
for
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overall
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 society.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to strengthen the logical flow of your arguments. Some points are not clearly connected, and transitions can be improved.
task achievement
Although you have included examples, make sure they are precise and clearly linked to your main points. Some examples seem quite general.
general
Be careful with word choice and grammar to avoid unclear or awkward sentences. Proofreading can help catch these minor errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You touched on both positive and negative aspects of people moving to cities, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
You have provided real-world examples to support your ideas, which adds credibility to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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