In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decresing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Presently, it is undeniable that the increasing of rural residents
migrates
to Wrong verb form
migrating
a thriving cities
, Correct the article-noun agreement
a thriving city
thriving cities
which
causes a reduction of population in the countryside Correct pronoun usage
apply
occuring
in Correct your spelling
occurring
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
countries
. Change preposition
of countries
This
statement offers merit and disadvantage development to society. In my perspective, the advantages witness outweigh the drawbacks, which will be examined in this
essay.
On the one hand, moving of
Change preposition
apply
the
rural citizens could be the drawbacks which are not only societal living but Correct article usage
apply
also
high expenses to people. In other words
, this
can be experienced to
a rise Change preposition
by
of
Change preposition
in
population
at the Add an article
the population
center
, resulting in Change the spelling
centre
an
overcrowding at the Remove the article
apply
center
city. A clear example is that the price of goods, foods and apartments will be surged. Change the spelling
centre
This
can be emphasized that the more residing people affects
an increase of high costs in goods and living costs, which will be the potential economic problem.
Change the verb form
affect
On the other hand
, imigrants
could be fostered Correct your spelling
immigrants
new
opportunities and several workforces Change preposition
with new
among
developed environments. Change preposition
in
For example
, my colleague has moved from a
countryside to work Correct article usage
the
at
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
an
indutrial
town as there are various chances to decide Correct your spelling
industrial
interested
careers in order to increase wages and incomes. Change preposition
on interested
Further
example is that many students obtain more choices for choosing universities, courses, and future career paths. Add an article
A further
This
is unavoidable that moving to the
thriving city can acquire better opportunities Correct article usage
a
to
Change preposition
apply
them
.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
apply
while
this
phenomenon provides positive and negative developments, I personally believe that migrating to the industrial town results in more chances in terms of working and academic development to
Change preposition
for
overall
society.Submitted by arunrak.wk on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to strengthen the logical flow of your arguments. Some points are not clearly connected, and transitions can be improved.
task achievement
Although you have included examples, make sure they are precise and clearly linked to your main points. Some examples seem quite general.
general
Be careful with word choice and grammar to avoid unclear or awkward sentences. Proofreading can help catch these minor errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You touched on both positive and negative aspects of people moving to cities, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
You have provided real-world examples to support your ideas, which adds credibility to your essay.