Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Accordind
to the recent Correct your spelling
According
scientists
argument, there is an increased demand for Change to a genitive case
scientist's
scientists'
the
ultra-processed Correct article usage
apply
products
Use synonyms
amond
citizens of Correct your spelling
among
western
counties, which Capitalize word
Western
as a consequence
Linking Words
result
in a number of health concerns. Fix the agreement mistake
results
This
essay will endeavour to discuss the main features of the current issue and Linking Words
then
I will represent my personal viewpoint.
To commence, the up-to-date food industry Linking Words
provide
Change the verb form
provides
the
society with a plethora of food Correct article usage
apply
products
for people's consumption. Use synonyms
However
, it is Linking Words
essencial
to comprehend whether all of these Correct your spelling
essential
products
Use synonyms
valuable
for Add a missing verb
are valuable
the
humanity or notCorrect article usage
apply
?
To be more precise, Change the punctuation
.
a
range of intake of Correct article usage
the
the
ultra-processed Correct article usage
apply
products
in the Use synonyms
UK
countries sharply climbed over a few Use synonyms
decates
. Correct your spelling
decades
Study
conducted at the Add an article
A study
The study
Universiy
of Warwick states that the ratio of heart Correct your spelling
University
deseases
and type 2 diabetes Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
between
Change preposition
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
UK
citizens has increased two-fold in Use synonyms
Linking Words
last
ten years. Correct article usage
the last
Hence
, it definitely justifies that these Linking Words
type
of foods could be responsible for Fix the agreement mistake
types
detrimetal
health effects.
Correct your spelling
detrimental
Secondly
, the main point is to analyse which kind of measures should be undertaken by the Linking Words
UK
authorities in order to prevent the negative circumstances of Use synonyms
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
phenomemon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
?
Change the punctuation
.
Firstly
, it is essential for Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
UK
individuals to be focused on eating Use synonyms
a healthy food
and adhere a proper lifestyle. Namely, Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
this
means eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, Linking Words
providing
the body with the requisite vitamins, minerals, fat, water and other nutritious supplements. Correct word choice
and providing
Secondly
, the Linking Words
government
of Fix the agreement mistake
governments
the
western countries ought to organise Correct article usage
apply
the
preventive care services and Correct article usage
apply
ensures
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensure
the
competitive state hospitals with sufficient medical Correct article usage
apply
system
.
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
To conclude
, as far as I Linking Words
concerned
, the above-mentioned issue may result in crucial outcomings and concerns to the whole society, and Add a missing verb
am concerned
as a consequence
has to be Linking Words
soluted
as soon as possible.Verb problem
solved
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task response
You have provided a complete response to the task and have addressed the main points. However, there are some language inaccuracies and certain expressions which seem awkward. Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity.
task response
Try to provide more detailed explanations to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and show a clearer line of thought.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear logical structure, with each sentence naturally leading to the next. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. Simple mistakes can sometimes distract the reader and detract from the quality of your essay.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly outlines the structure of your essay.
task response
You have included relevant specific examples, such as the study from the University of Warwick, which add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is concise and reinforces your position effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example