Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

#people #countries #food #diet #critics #change

Accordind

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According

to the recent

scientists

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scientist's

scientists'

show examples

argument, there is an increased demand for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ultra-processed

products

amond

Correct your spelling

among

citizens of

western

Capitalize word

Western

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counties, which

as a consequence

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in a number of health concerns.

This

essay will endeavour to discuss the main features of the current issue and

then

I will represent my personal viewpoint. To commence, the up-to-date food industry

provide

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provides

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society with a plethora of food

products

for people's consumption.

However

, it is

essencial

Correct your spelling

essential

to comprehend whether all of these

products

valuable

Add a missing verb

are valuable

show examples

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

humanity or not

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show examples

To be more precise,

Correct article usage

the

show examples

range of intake of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ultra-processed

products

in the

countries sharply climbed over a few

decates

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decades

Study

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A study

The study

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conducted at the

Universiy

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University

of Warwick states that the ratio of heart

deseases

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diseases

disease

and type 2 diabetes

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

citizens has increased two-fold in

last

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the last

show examples

ten years.

Hence

, it definitely justifies that these

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

of foods could be responsible for

detrimetal

Correct your spelling

detrimental

health effects.

Secondly

, the main point is to analyse which kind of measures should be undertaken by the

authorities in order to prevent the negative circumstances of

above-mentioned

Correct article usage

the above-mentioned

show examples

phenomemon

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phenomenon

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show examples

Firstly

, it is essential for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals to be focused on eating

a healthy food

Remove the article

healthy food

a portion of healthy food

show examples

and adhere a proper lifestyle. Namely,

this

means eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise,

providing

Correct word choice

and providing

show examples

the body with the requisite vitamins, minerals, fat, water and other nutritious supplements.

Secondly

, the

government

Fix the agreement mistake

governments

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

western countries ought to organise

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

preventive care services and

ensures

Correct subject-verb agreement

ensure

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

competitive state hospitals with sufficient medical

system

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systems

show examples

To conclude

, as far as I

concerned

Add a missing verb

am concerned

show examples

, the above-mentioned issue may result in crucial outcomings and concerns to the whole society, and

as a consequence

has to be

soluted

Verb problem

solved

show examples

as soon as possible.

Submitted by akhmedova.mb on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task response

You have provided a complete response to the task and have addressed the main points. However, there are some language inaccuracies and certain expressions which seem awkward. Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity.

task response

Try to provide more detailed explanations to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and show a clearer line of thought.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear logical structure, with each sentence naturally leading to the next. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. Simple mistakes can sometimes distract the reader and detract from the quality of your essay.

task response

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly outlines the structure of your essay.

task response

You have included relevant specific examples, such as the study from the University of Warwick, which add credibility to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion is concise and reinforces your position effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

You travelled by plane last week and your suitcase was lost. You have still heard nothing from the airline company. Write to the airline and • explain what happened • describe your suitcase and tell them what was in it • find out what they are going to do about it

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.