IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, more and more choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

#countries #food #people
In
this
 modern era, there is a rise in people who prefer imported
food
 to local
food
, which derives from a current
trend
.
However
,
this
 can be tacked by encouraging advertising of the local
food
. It is vital to understand that the increased number of foods that are imported from foreign is
due to
 the
trend
 of young people nowadays. There is no doubt that the young generation has created many trends that have a negative effect on their country, including the imported
the imported
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
food
trend
.
Consequently
, local
food
 cannot be sold anywhere, creating damage to the country’s economy.
For example
, there was an Australian apple
trend
 that occurred in Vietnam, which led to the loss of apple agriculture for several years.
However
,
this
 issue can be dealt with by encouraging more local
food
 advertisements. It is evident that advertising is one of the most effective ways to gain people’s interest in local
food
.
Hence
, it
also
 pushes the local
food
 economy to outweigh the foreign one.
For instance
, China had succeeded in making their products become popular among their people’s mind. In conclusion, the situation of imported
food
 outweighed the local one
due to
 the young generation’s
trend
.
However
,
this
 problem can be solved by
focus
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
 on advertising the local
food
.

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task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific and varied examples. The essay relies too heavily on a singular Australian apple trend example, which, while illustrative, doesn't fully support the wider claim.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your points by avoiding repetition and redundant phrases, such as 'imported the imported food'. Avoid repetition to maintain clarity and keep the reader's attention.
task achievement
Expand on your reasoning to fully develop your ideas. For example, explain more about how advertising can effectively change purchasing behaviors.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the issue and outlines a potential solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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