IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them? What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cutting-edge society, there is not enough
time
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
. The
roots
Fix the agreement mistake
root
show examples
 cause for
this
Linking Words
 is the elderly are neglected and
pressure
Wrong verb form
pressured
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be dealt with by flexible hours. The
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
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 cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is young residents tend to ignore older
inhabitant’s
Change noun form
inhabitants
show examples
 demands. It should be acknowledged that numerous individuals cannot adapt or respond instantly to
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
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 of the elderly.
This
Linking Words
 situation stems from young residents
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 to concentrate on work and enhance relationships
in
Change preposition
with
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 the public.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many dwellers have a tendency to neglect or look after the elderly carelessly.
This
Linking Words
 is true in Japan, where most citizens ignore their parents frequently in order to have more
time
Use synonyms
 for entertainment and work Another point worth considering is that the employees are pressed by the owner leading to little
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 taking
care
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 elderly. It must be noted that
people
Use synonyms
 complicatedly
care
Use synonyms
 for older individuals
due to
Linking Words
 workload and busy working schedules.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are over the hill may
be not receive
Change the verb form
not receive
show examples
 any
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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 from the young. Take Vietnam
for instance
Linking Words
, where residents are required to accomplish numerous challenging tasks,
deadlines
Correct word choice
and deadlines
show examples
 punctually to alleviate pressure and stress from the workplace.
However
Linking Words
, a measure can be found
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 flexibility between working and caring. The most effective method is for individuals
rearrange
Fix the infinitive
to rearrange
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 their timetable or the following events and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 staying with the elderly.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, there are not only the elderly who will not be ignored, but
also
Linking Words
 the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 can ease pressure and stress at companies. Take the US as an example for
this
Linking Words
 circumstance,
government
Add an article
the government
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 supports inhabitants by reducing working hours with the purpose of having more
time
Use synonyms
 which can be utilized to
care
Use synonyms
 for the elderly. In conclusion,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of hours used for looking after older
people
Use synonyms
 results from overlooking the elderly and working stress. Fortunately, it can be tackled by utilizing
time
Use synonyms
 wisely

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the prompt, but it could be more focused. Try to ensure each paragraph clearly addresses a specific part of the prompt: problems and solutions. This will help improve clarity and structure.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow, but some sentences are difficult to understand. Simplifying your sentence structure and avoiding overly complex or convoluted phrasing would help improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate some linking words and phrases to enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
Specific examples from Japan, Vietnam, and the US are used to support the arguments, which adds credibility and relevance to the points made.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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