Nowadays young people prefer to move to big cities, older people, however are the opposite and prefer to live in the countryside. What are the positives and negatives of this trend?
The older people tend to spend their lives in the villages but the younger populace migrate to metropolises. Its resulting outcomes may affect them in a positive or a negative way.
This
essay will evaluate both to explore more about the effects of this
trend.
When the youth move from the countryside to the cities, they enable themselves to discover more opportunities. Their career gets a new leverage when they are able to grab jobs in the
major industries. They get a Correct article usage
apply
hands on
experience to build their personal Add a hyphen
hands-on
life
along with
the boost from professional life
. It helps their country to utilize the hidden potential of their remote areas. For example
, many college graduates make a decision of moving
out of their village when they are offered a bigger opportunity to work in Change preposition
to move
the
Correct article usage
apply
Sillicon
valley even if Correct your spelling
Silicon
its
in Replace the word
it's
it is
an
another country. It not only helps them to grow but Remove the article
apply
also
they are able to invent something new.
On the contrary
, the older parents and grandparents of the youth live in solitude in villages. So, it leaves them in a depressive situation where they are not able to get
care of their loved ones who live too far away. They can only communicate Verb problem
take
them
by calling which does not help them to take a sigh of relief. To exemplify, many aged parents living in Change preposition
with them
the
solitary areas suffer from diseases and they need Correct article usage
apply
continuous
support emotionally to live a peaceful Correct word choice
emotional
life
. Therefore
, it is difficult to live in such
tough situations which is a bad aspect of this
trend.
In conclusion, exploring uncharted territories offers rewarding
professional Correct article usage
a rewarding
life
however
it has a downside too. While
kids are away in the pursuit of their dreams they leave behind their lonely parents who need their support to spend their free time. Thus
, it could also
distract a person away from home. Ergo, this
trend comes with both upsides and downsides.Submitted by Kiran on
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task response
Try to enhance the introduction by providing a more elaborate background and directly stating the positives and negatives to be discussed. This makes the essay structure clearer from the start.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph, especially the body paragraphs, clearly supports and elaborates on the introduced point by offering a strong example or additional information. For instance, instead of using vague terms like 'bigger opportunity,' specify what these opportunities might be.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied connecting words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'On one hand,' 'Additionally,' and 'Nevertheless' can enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task response
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as college graduates moving to Silicon Valley, which makes the arguments more concrete and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay. The introduction sets up the discussion effectively and the conclusion nicely summarizes the points made.
coherence cohesion
The main points are effectively supported. For instance, the professional growth and emotional neglect aspects are well discussed with appropriate examples and ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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