Nowadays, more and more people ffrom different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.
The contemporary society, an increasing number of citizens from other cities
are invest
lots of Change the verb form
are investing
time
away from their families
. This
writer believe
that Change the verb form
believes
this
is a positive development due to
they do not waste this
time
, it bring
more Change the verb form
brings
benefit
for a Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
grow up
nation.
It must be understood that far from Wrong verb form
growing
families
to serve themselves even their family and their neccesaries
. Correct your spelling
necessaries
This
is especially so if people
spend their time
into
work and study, they will Change preposition
at
success
Replace the word
succeed
on
their career. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, people
leave their family
to get knowledge and earn money, when they Fix the agreement mistake
families
success
and earn enough money, they turn back and support Replace the word
succeed
families
. Spending Correct pronoun usage
their families
time
away from families
to get good opportunities to open the door which get closer with
Change preposition
to
wealthy
life. Correct article usage
a wealthy
For example
, people
from different cities work with main
Correct article usage
the main
purposes
is Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
earn
more money to support their Wrong verb form
earning
life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
family
.
Another point to consider is Fix the agreement mistake
families
that
the impact of Correct word choice
apply
take
away far Wrong verb form
taking
family
for Fix the agreement mistake
families
long
Change the article
a long
time
. When people
start on the way which spend time
on work and not on family most
, they lack income due Correct quantifier usage
apply
o
they depended on family before and are Correct your spelling
to
of
difficult Change preposition
in
situation
about Fix the agreement mistake
situations
the
first finance. Change the word
their
For instance
, juveniles survive on their family because family is the main provision to consume and learn least
18 years old. Change preposition
at least
Besides
that, many introvent
cannot suffer Correct your spelling
introvert
introverts
the
Correct article usage
apply
lone
and Correct your spelling
alone
the
neglect condition so the result led Correct article usage
apply
that
an observation Change preposition
to
appear
in each individual.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
appearing
this
issue has both negative and positive impact
on their life. Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
This
essay have
shown both the positive result and the impact they have to suffer.Change the verb form
has
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but provides a limited response. It briefly mentions reasons and effects of spending time away from family, but the ideas are not fully developed. To improve, elaborate more on each point and provide deeper insights.
coherence cohesion
While there is a basic structure in place, including an introduction and conclusion, the organization of ideas could be clearer. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one idea to the next. Use more linking words to improve cohesiveness.
grammar
The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that disrupt the flow of ideas. Focus on improving sentence structure and using more precise vocabulary. Proofreading for grammar and spelling will also help in delivering clearer ideas.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide both sides of the issue, discussing both positive and negative impacts. This shows an effort to present a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame the essay. This shows an understanding of basic essay structure.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite