IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reason? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #country #cities #world #reason
The
last
 time, many people used to travel
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to look for many differences from their country.
However
,
cities
 on over the world are becoming more and more similar. The writer argues the main reason is global and
to avoid
Change preposition
that avoiding
show examples
 burnout
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of laziness.
Firstly
, they will
make to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose
Correct article usage
the cultural
show examples
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 traditional countries. Every city will
was
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 of traditional
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
. If they change
views
Correct pronoun usage
their views
show examples
 in their country,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will lose
traditionally
Replace the word
tradition
show examples
.
Moreover
, it will
e
Correct your spelling
be
Correct your spelling
very
vey
Correct your spelling
very
 boring because
cities
 have
views
 similar and
don’t
 have anything interesting
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. So, we should develop that
also
 preserve traditional
cities
.
Secondly
, if
cities
 were changed
similarly
, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 do for
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 can’t operate because similar
cities
don’t
anything
Add a missing verb
have anything
show examples
 to visit.
Moreover
, many tourist companies can’t have
differently
Change the word
different
show examples
 with other countries. They can find no
views
 that they want to visit.
However
, when they were changed
similarly
cities
Change preposition
to cities
show examples
, tourism
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
show examples
 spend money on
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
travel from
cities
 to other
cities
.
Moreover
,
cities
 will not be allowed
compete
Fix the infinitive
to compete
show examples
 and
don’t
Correct your spelling
won’t
 have
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
war
Change preposition
with war
show examples
.
To sum up
,
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
views
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
 will not have nationally
traditionally
Change the word
traditional
show examples
 sightseeing and
writer
Correct article usage
the writer
show examples
 was
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
show examples
 with changes
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to express ideas more clearly and accurately.
task achievement
Try to include specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs that present and support a single idea or point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant points such as the danger to cultural traditions and the potential boredom of similar cities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: