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Band 5.5

下圖提供了 1970 年至 2020 年四個亞洲國家居住在城市的人口百分比信息，並對 2030 年和 2040 年進行了預測。

The provided charts illustrate data about the residents in four Asian nations living in urban areas between 1970 and 2020, and the predictions from 2030 to 2040.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 percentages of the population in countries were increased, among that
Malaysia
 had a sharp growth. Looking at the details, in 1970, the Philippines was the highest at nearly 31%. Followed by
Malaysia
,
while
Indonesia
 had the lowest proportion at 13%. In 1980, all nations had a slight jump and
Malaysia
 took the lead at 40%. After a decade, the Philippines backed to the top at 50%, and
Indonesia
 went up by 7%. Until 2020, both
Indonesia
 and Thailand were at a similar rate at approximately 30%. Meanwhile, the Philipines went down slightly by 3%.
On the other hand
,
Malaysia
 significantly climbed to 60%. In 2010,
Indonesia
 continued to rise quickly, there was a drop in the rate of the Philipines' inhabitants and met
Indonesia
 at 40%. In 2020, four nations grew, but
Malaysia
 was the highest, more than three-fourths. From 2030 to 40 in the future, it is predicted that all areas will increase, and
Indonesia
 will have a considerable rise to 60%.
Submitted by wongmingwai29 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good overview of the trends in urban population in the four Asian countries and correctly highlights key changes. To improve, ensure that all details, such as percentage data, are accurate. Additionally, try incorporating more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary for better clarity and expression.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to include a concluding sentence in each paragraph that ties back to the overall theme. This will help your essay feel more complete and polished. Also, ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the provided data, identifying key trends and changes clearly. This shows a strong understanding of the task and data presented.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid, with information clearly laid out in a way that is easy to follow. This helps the reader understand the changes in urban population over time.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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