IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#proportion #income #items #uk
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Overall
Linking Words
, the chart shows that the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of the
food
Use synonyms
 is more than other items with men and
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of the
food
Use synonyms
 of the boys and the
girls
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 almost less than the other items.
This
Linking Words
 means that the adults
care
Use synonyms
 more about the
food
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 than the children do. The
women
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 and the
girls
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 actually do not
care
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 about the electric
equipment
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 much. In the chart, the children have 10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
food
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, 23
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of electronic
equipment
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, 39
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
music
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, and 12
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
videos
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. The boys have 9
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
food
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, 18
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of electronic
equipment
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, 38
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
music
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, and 18
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
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videos
Correct article usage
the videos
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
girls
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 have 11
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
food
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, 5
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 with electronic
equipment
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,
40
Correct word choice
and 40
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
music
Use synonyms
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 chart shows that the children, boys, and the
girls
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 about other items more than the
food
Use synonyms
. The adults have 25
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
food
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, 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
, 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
music
Use synonyms
 and 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
videos
Use synonyms
. Men have 14
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
food
Use synonyms
, 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
, 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
, and 2
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
videos
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
 have 39
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
food
Use synonyms
, 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
, 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
, and 0.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
videos
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 shows that the adults, men and
women
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 more about
food
Use synonyms
 than the other
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent, food, women, girls, care, equipment, music, videos with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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