with growing number of populations in cities, many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. is this a positive or negative developments?

There is a large number of residents who are settling down in small accommodations without any outdoor spaces because of an increase in the number of
people
all over the world.
This
writer presumes that
this
issue may detrimentally lead to a strong impact on the citizens’
behavior
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behaviour
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and pollution in some metropolitans. There is no doubt that lack of area for entertainment is able to make
people
suffer from stress.
In other words
,
due to
the over-population, residents must live in a narrow home that can cause a sense of discomfort and turn into
stressed
Replace the word
stress
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as a result
.
For instance
, in the previous years, almost
houses
Correct determiner usage
all houses
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have their own outdoor spaces in order to do gardening and satisfy their interests like growing Bonsai in Japan.
Hence
, if there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
available land for human relaxation,
people
may be under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pressure significantly. Another point for consideration is that the environment in some big cities will
also
be affected noticeably by the inadequacy of land for cultivation. To be more specific, with a huge number of buildings constructed, the available area for agriculture will be restricted and
as a consequence
,
while
the fumes and pollutants from construction are extremely harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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citizens, the amount of plants is
also
not enough to refresh the air quality.
Therefore
, the current status has just become worse and worse in the future. In conclusion, the lack of outdoor spaces has a negative impact on the quality of residents’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the lack of area for entertainment possibly leads
people
to be stressed and the environment may be polluted by the inadequacy
land
Change preposition
of land
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for cultivation.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, try to make your points more distinct by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea that contributes to your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and varied examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases. It would be beneficial to refine your language and make it more natural.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting a cohesive argument.
task achievement
You have made some valid points and attempted to support them with examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your choice of vocabulary is quite good and varied, which enhances the overall quality of the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overcrowding
  • urban areas
  • quality of life
  • detrimental
  • mental and physical health
  • natural environments
  • recreational activities
  • minimalist lifestyle
  • material consumption
  • waste
  • urban planning
  • public parks
  • communal spaces
  • financial burden
  • accessible
  • compact living spaces
  • sense of community
  • shared living arrangements
  • social connections
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