with growing number of populations in cities, many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. is this a positive or negative developments?
There is a large number of residents who are settling down in small accommodations without any outdoor spaces because of an increase in the number of
people
all over the world. This
writer presumes that this
issue may detrimentally lead to a strong impact on the citizens’ behavior
and pollution in some metropolitans.
There is no doubt that lack of area for entertainment is able to make Change the spelling
behaviour
people
suffer from stress. In other words
, due to
the over-population, residents must live in a narrow home that can cause a sense of discomfort and turn into stressed
Replace the word
stress
as a result
. For instance
, in the previous years, almost houses
have their own outdoor spaces in order to do gardening and satisfy their interests like growing Bonsai in Japan. Correct determiner usage
all houses
Hence
, if there is not
available land for human relaxation, Correct your spelling
no
people
may be under the
pressure significantly.
Another point for consideration is that the environment in some big cities will Correct article usage
apply
also
be affected noticeably by the inadequacy of land for cultivation. To be more specific, with a huge number of buildings constructed, the available area for agriculture will be restricted and as a consequence
, while
the fumes and pollutants from construction are extremely harmful for
citizens, the amount of plants is Change the preposition
to
also
not enough to refresh the air quality. Therefore
, the current status has just become worse and worse in the future.
In conclusion, the lack of outdoor spaces has a negative impact on the quality of residents’ life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
This
is because,
the lack of area for entertainment possibly leads Remove the comma
apply
people
to be stressed and the environment may be polluted by the inadequacy land
for cultivation.Change preposition
of land
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, try to make your points more distinct by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea that contributes to your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and varied examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases. It would be beneficial to refine your language and make it more natural.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting a cohesive argument.
task achievement
You have made some valid points and attempted to support them with examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your choice of vocabulary is quite good and varied, which enhances the overall quality of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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