In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
These days we heard a lot about the life span’s increase.
This
means people
live more years in their old ages
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
age
people
believe that growth
of Correct article usage
the growth
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
population
can make
some Verb problem
cause
troubles
for Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
governments
,while
others think that it is necessary for our society to has
an aged Wrong verb form
have
population
. In this
essay
I will look at both sides of Add a comma
essay,
Correct article usage
the arguments
arguments
and Fix the agreement mistake
argument
I
give my opinion.
Some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
think that the growth of aged
Correct article usage
the aged
population
can spell some financial and economical
troubles for Replace the word
economic
the
Correct article usage
apply
governments
and subsequently
for societies. In other
words
old Add a comma
words,
people
mostly are retired and can not work,so they don’t have earnings and they do not pay tax
, Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
also
illnesses are more common between
aged Change preposition
among
people
, so governments
should allocate huge budgets to take care and
ensure them and Change preposition
of and
also
for paying retirement salary. This
issue can causes
Change the verb form
cause
governments
face to lack
of budget and money for Correct article usage
a lack
other essential project
.
The other group believe that it is necessary for our society to have Change the wording
another essential project
other essential projects
aged
Correct article usage
an aged
population
. Caring of
old Change preposition
for
people
,treating their diseases and some services that they need to have can make
lots of job opportunities for Verb problem
create
younger
Add an article
the younger
workforce
,Correct your spelling
workers
also
old people
sometimes are very experienced and younger people
can learn a lot of matters of
their experiences in their life and their previous career.
In conclusion ,some Change preposition
from
people
think that increasing old
Correct article usage
the old
population
has a huge cost for people
and governments
,while
the other group believe that it is beneficial and can make
some good opportunities for our society. I personally agree with Verb problem
create
second
group and I think the benefits of having Change the article
the second
large
Add an article
a large
population
of aged people
outweighs
the disadvantages.Change the verb form
outweigh
Submitted by taranajafi90 on
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task response
The introduction is clear and introduces the topic well. However, minor grammatical errors and lack of clarity affect the overall quality. For example, the sentence 'These days we heard a lot about the life span’s increase' should be 'These days we hear a lot about the increase in life span.'
task response
The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments. For instance, you could mention countries with well-known ageing populations and how they manage or struggle with this aspect.
coherence cohesion
Paragraph structure could be improved. The second paragraph lacks connective phrases to smoothly transition between ideas. For example, 'also' should be replaced with 'In addition,' and 'This issue can causes' should be 'This issue can cause.'
task response
Ensure that each point in the essay is clearly explained and supported. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response. For example, exploring how older people's experiences can specifically benefit society would add depth.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and disadvantages of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion clearly states your opinion and relates it to the arguments presented in the essay, providing a coherent closing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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