At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this sitation outweigh the disadvantages?
Helpful beverages play an important role in our
life
. I have decided to do a project on what kind of drinks parents in Zetland consider best for children and found a table with the results of the opinion poll on Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
topic. Below I will give my comments on the results of the poll.
Looking at the main features of the table, I must say that the majority of the respondents prefer water as a drink for their children. (57%). Juice Linking Words
as well as
milk are Linking Words
also
popular with the parents in Zetland (20% and 18% Linking Words
correspondingly
). Another striking feature is that tea and soda appear to be at the bottom of the table (4% and 1% respectively).
Turning to the details, it can be seen that juice is five times as preferable as tea. It is not surprising as the parents bottled or fresh juice more often than traditional hot Rephrase
respectively
drink
.
One of the problems that can arise when choosing drinks is that people do not look carefully at the ingredients. Sometimes drinks are not as healthy as it is said. To solve Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
this
problem Linking Words
person
can use Fix the agreement mistake
people
QR-codes
allowing Correct your spelling
QR codes
to
view all the information about a product.
Correct pronoun usage
them to
Overall
, I strongly believe that drinking healthy liquids is very important for people. Having Linking Words
this
habit helps to avoid various health problems.Linking Words
Submitted by viktoria.popova92 on
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task achievement
Your essay overall tackles the task well, discussing the provided data in a clear and logical manner. However, you could develop some points further to enhance your argument, particularly in the details section. More specific examples or additional context about why certain beverages are favored would improve your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and includes an introduction and a conclusion. This is good. To further enhance coherence, make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, connecting the discussion on tea and soda to the subsequent point about ingredient awareness could be more fluid.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking phrases (e.g., 'turning to the details', 'overall') is good and helps in making the essay cohesive. However, pay attention to some minor grammatical issues and transitions between sections for even better coherence.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which strengthens your essay.
task achievement
Your main points regarding the preferences of parents in Zetland are clearly presented and supported by the data in the table.
task achievement
The analysis of juice versus tea preferences is well observed and effectively communicated.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.