At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this sitation outweigh the disadvantages?
. I have decided to do a project on what kind of drinks parents in Zetland consider best for children and found a table with the results of the opinion poll on
this
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topic. Below I will give my comments on the results of the poll.
Body paragraph 1
Looking at the main features of the table, I must say that the majority of the respondents prefer water as a drink for their children. (57%). Juice
as well as
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milk are
also
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popular with the parents in Zetland (20% and 18%
correspondingly
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
). Another striking feature is that tea and soda appear to be at the bottom of the table (4% and 1% respectively).
Body paragraph 2
Turning to the details, it can be seen that juice is five times as preferable as tea. It is not surprising as the parents bottled or fresh juice more often than traditional hot
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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.
Body paragraph 3
One of the problems that can arise when choosing drinks is that people do not look carefully at the ingredients. Sometimes drinks are not as healthy as it is said. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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can use
QR-codes
Correct your spelling
QR codes
show examples
allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
view all the information about a product.
Conclusion
Overall
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, I strongly believe that drinking healthy liquids is very important for people. Having
this
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habit helps to avoid various health problems.
viktoria.popova92
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task achievement
Your essay overall tackles the task well, discussing the provided data in a clear and logical manner. However, you could develop some points further to enhance your argument, particularly in the details section. More specific examples or additional context about why certain beverages are favored would improve your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and includes an introduction and a conclusion. This is good. To further enhance coherence, make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, connecting the discussion on tea and soda to the subsequent point about ingredient awareness could be more fluid.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking phrases (e.g., 'turning to the details', 'overall') is good and helps in making the essay cohesive. However, pay attention to some minor grammatical issues and transitions between sections for even better coherence.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which strengthens your essay.
task achievement
Your main points regarding the preferences of parents in Zetland are clearly presented and supported by the data in the table.
task achievement
The analysis of juice versus tea preferences is well observed and effectively communicated.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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