IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The maintenance of public libraries is a waste of Money because of computer Technologies that have the same function.

#maintenance #libraries #waste #money #computer #technologies #function
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Computer technologies,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, have limitless opportunities for numerous things,
for instance
Linking Words
,
research
Use synonyms
 about any subject but it is not trustable in every case.
In addition
Linking Words
, public
libraries
Use synonyms
 are
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 everyone can access any knowledge,
besides
Linking Words
 spending quality
time
Use synonyms
. It is argued that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
libraries
Use synonyms
 is totally unnecessary
while
Linking Words
 technological vehicles have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 function. I certainly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who have a technological device can easily access any information which they are curious about, via
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in a few seconds. In terms of books, obviously
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 to get information compared to looking up on the
internet
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the opposite
this
Linking Words
 facility of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
includes
significantly
Add an article
a significantly
show examples
 high percentage of misinformation.
However
Linking Words
, it is the fact that it is definitely worth the
time
Use synonyms
 spent to get the right information.
According to
Linking Words
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 recent
research
Use synonyms
 from Oxford University, 65 per cent of data on the
internet
Use synonyms
 does not affect reality and aims to deceive
people
Use synonyms
 who conduct investigations into something.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, public
libraries
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 do some
research
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.
In addition
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
present
Replace the word
presents
show examples
 numerous zones for studying to
people
Use synonyms
 who want to socialise
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other and spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 via books.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has been proved by scientists that studying with
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
 in a public place
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to study more effectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 surfing on the
internet
Use synonyms
 really easy way to
research
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
occurs
Correct article usage
a noticeably
show examples
noticeably
Change the word
noticeable
show examples
 amount of misinformation even
it
Correct word choice
though it
show examples
 has the same function
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 books.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
libraries
Use synonyms
 give opportunities to
people
Use synonyms
 who want to socialise and study at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific public library programs or services that cannot be duplicated by computer technologies.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences. Sometimes the transition between points is abrupt and could be made smoother for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, which ties everything together nicely.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced argument, discussing both the advantages of computer technologies and the unique benefits of public libraries.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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