IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbour or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and Include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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It is undeniable that participating in extra programs during high school is beneficial to a lot of
students
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 in various aspects
such
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 as building good habits and improving their social
skills
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.
Therefore
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, many high schools require their
students
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 to volunteer in several activities as a part of the curriculum. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
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 mandatory for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, I strongly believe that education should not be limited to academic
skills
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.
Students
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 should gain
life
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skills
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 to live well in society. The most effective way to acquire
life
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skills
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 is to work with other people in a real community.
Students
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 will directly experience how to communicate, organize tasks and manage time by themselves.
For example
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, requiring them to teach younger children leads to several
life
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skills
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 since they must alter their communication to suit for younger generation.
Additionally
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, it is
also
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 useful in terms of increasing their creativity as they possibly must design new methods in teaching.
Besides
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 the acquired
life
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skills
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, participating in extra programs
also
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 makes their resume outstanding compared to those who never do. Currently, many universities require volunteer activities from their candidates, particularly for the interview round.
In addition
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 to those aforementioned
skills
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,
students
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 will understand themselves better by doing extra activities.
For instance
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, they perhaps express their intention to become a teacher in the future.
However
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, once they experience working as a teacher themselves, they might realize that it is not what they expect. Ultimately, they will not make a better decision with their lives. In conclusion, unpaid community service should be a requirement for high school
students
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 prior to graduation since it offers
students
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 not only extra
skills
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 but
also
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 benefits for their future.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider strengthening your arguments by providing more specific examples or statistics to support your points. For example, you could mention specific programs or studies that show the benefits of compulsory community service.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. For instance, the sentence "For instance, they perhaps express their intention to become a teacher in the future" could be simplified to "For instance, they might initially want to become teachers." Simplifying sentences can make your argument more potent and easy to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay's topic and your position on it, making it clear what the reader can expect from the following paragraphs.
supported main points
You have made a strong case for the inclusion of compulsory community service in high schools by discussing both the direct benefits (such as life skills) and indirect benefits (resume enhancement).
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your stance on the issue, providing a satisfying end to the essay.
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