At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, corrJpared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people

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At the present time, the

population

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of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

This

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essay will explain the advantages and disadvantages of

this

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situation which shows

demographic

Correct article usage

a demographic

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skew towards younger populations.

First,

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youthful

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the youthful

a youthful

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population

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can drive economic growth as they form a large part of the workforce, contributing to productivity and innovation.

The second

Correct article usage

Second

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Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

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occasions can lead to a vibrant and dynamic society

Change preposition

in that

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that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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these processes play an important role in social dynamism.

In addition

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, it can support for

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

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population

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that young adults can help the

population

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through taxation and welfare systems. All these cases indicate that the growth of the youth

population

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is a sign in

favor

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favour

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of the country. Sometimes

this

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increase can result in youth unemployment if there are not enough job opportunities and it can lead to social unrest, disenchantment, and wasted human potential.

While

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young adults contribute to economic growth, they

also

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have dependency needs,

such

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as education and healthcare.

This

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means

Remove the comma

apply

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working-age

Add an article

the working-age

a working-age

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population

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can strain resources and social services.

While

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a youthful

population

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is advantageous in the short term, it can lead to challenges in the future as

this

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cohort ages. There may be

worked

Replace the word

work

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at healthcare systems and pension schemes when

this

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large cohort reaches retirement age.

In addition

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this

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case can pressure on infrastructure and it leads to overcrowding, inadequate services, and urban sprawl.

To conclude

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while

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a youthful

population

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can offer numerous advantages, it

also

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presents challenges that

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

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negatively.

Submitted by checkmyessay9 on Mon Jun 10 2024

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task response

Clarify the point about young adults supporting the aging population. It is not entirely clear how this support functions in your essay.

coherence cohesion

Refine the logical structure of your paragraphs. Some sentences lack clear transitions, like 'The second this occasions can lead to...' which disrupts the flow.

task response

Provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, you mention economic growth but don’t give a concrete example of a country where this is evident.

overall

The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task response

You have addressed both the advantages and the disadvantages, providing a balanced view of the topic.

overall

The use of terms like 'social dynamism' and 'dependency needs' shows a strong vocabulary.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, corrJpared with the number of older people.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?