Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
With the development of technology, the use of computers has become very popular.
Due to
accessibility, many children
can play computer
games
in
everywhere. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, there are many bad effects
on children
. Although
numerous bad effects
have arisen as a result
of this
, there are solutions. This
issue will examine the negative impacts of the
playing Correct article usage
apply
computer
games
and possible solutions of
Change preposition
to
this
problem.
Firstly
, a major negative impact of playing computer
games
is the decrease in children
's self-improvence
in education. Correct your spelling
self-improvement
In other words
, children
lose their attention against the school
life. For instance
, many children
prefer to play games
instead
of doing homework. Thus
, they can not pass their exams. Moreover
, thet
can not be successful in their education life. The other impact might be Correct your spelling
they
that
health
problems. Because playing computer
games
affects particularly young children
's eye. Therefore
, it can cause health
problem
in their brain.
It is important that action is taken to combat these bad Fix the agreement mistake
problems
effects
. Parents should take all of the responsibility specially
Replace the word
especially
children
in
early Correct your spelling
an
ages
. Fix the agreement mistake
age
Further
, parents must control their playing game time and must be limited. For instance
, when the child finish
his homework, he can play Change the verb form
finishes
games
on computer
. Add an article
the computer
a computer
In addition
, what is important their
Add a missing verb
is their
lifes
should be Correct your spelling
lives
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
children
at school
. On the other hand
, harms
to Correct subject-verb agreement
harm
health
Add an article
the health
of
playing Change preposition
from
games
on computer
Correct article usage
a computer
are
shown to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
children
in school
by teachers or at home by parents. For example
, seminars can be organized in schools on this
subject. Also
, doctors can be called to the school
to explain the bad effects
.
In conclusion, the development of technology can not be prevented and many children
want to play games
on computer
. Add an article
the computer
a computer
However
, bad effects
can be prevented by showing harmfull
impacts. Correct your spelling
harmful
Thus
, by solving this
problem, a health
and Replace the word
healthy
succcessful
generation can be raised.Correct your spelling
successful
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coherence cohesion
Some sections of your essay would benefit from smoother transitions. For example, instead of directly jumping to a new point, try to link it with the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that this idea is clearly stated in the topic sentence of the paragraph.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
The use of phrases like 'in other words' and 'for instance' is good. However, varying your vocabulary and sentence structures a bit more would improve readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion nicely.
task achievement
You handle the task well by addressing both parts of the question – the negative impacts of playing computer games and the solutions to minimize these impacts.