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Writing Samples
Band 1

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give you.

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The high
crime
Use synonyms
 is much
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 and
effected
Verb problem
affects
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While several
Correct word choice
Several
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it must
reduce to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
low-
Correct your spelling
reduced
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some think that it will be
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
. In my opinion, I believe that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of various ways to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 still dangerous outside.
In addition
Linking Words
,
crime
Use synonyms
 is one of
problems
Add an article
the problems
show examples
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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 essential and will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 cannot do
a daily activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
daily activities
a daily activity
show examples
due to
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
available
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some actions
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be vital
for
Change preposition
to
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 avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
 which has
Correct your spelling
occurred
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 fear
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 is
ways
Correct article usage
a ways
show examples

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you clearly introduce both views in the introduction, and smoothly transition between paragraphs. Your introduction should explicitly mention the contrasting viewpoints, and your conclusion should summarize the discussion and state your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points more clearly and comprehensively. Each view should be explained in a separate paragraph, followed by specific examples or evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Work on producing more accurate and varied vocabulary to express your ideas. Aim to avoid repetitive phrases and grammatical errors.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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