IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You are going to visit the town where your friend went to university. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, • explain why you will be visiting the town • give details of where you will be staying • ask your friend to recommend some evening entertainment

#visit #town #friend #university #entertainment
Hi Gulchapchap, It’s been so long since we met each other,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 I haven’t forgotten the wonderful time we spent together
in
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apply
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last
 year. I am just writing to tell you a few things that you will need to know. I am planning a visit to the town where you pursued your university education. In the first
place
, my education will
fix
Wrong verb form
be fixed
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 because
of
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apply
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my education
very
Add a missing verb
is very
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 old. You have to help me temporarily. I want to improve my practice at the training
center
Change the spelling
centre
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.
Secondly
, I need a
place
 to stay for the night.
Therefore
, you must explain my situation
your
Change preposition
to your
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 relatives. If they have opportunities they just give me
place
Correct article usage
a place
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 few days. Of course, I will pay for
place
Add an article
the place
a place
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. Don’t worry. Nowadays, my best friend
lived
Wrong verb form
lives
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 there. We have been planning to meet for a long time. Can you suggest your favourite places to hang out ? See you soon. Your friend, Jessica.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts more clearly. For instance, the second paragraph can be more detailed and connected to the first paragraph. Clarify why your education will fix because it is unclear.
task achievement
The tone is friendly, which is suitable for writing to a friend, but make sure to use more natural and fluent expressions. For example, 'You have to help me temporarily' can be phrased as 'I was hoping you could help me out for a short while.'
coherence cohesion
The opening and closing of the letter are appropriate and friendly, which suits the context of writing to a friend.
task achievement
You have included all the necessary points: explaining the purpose of your visit, where you will be staying, and asking for recommendations, which covers the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • I am writing to inform you that
  • I am excited to announce that
  • I have decided to visit the town where you went to university because
  • I have always been curious about the town, and I thought it would be a great opportunity to explore it
  • I have booked a room at a hotel called
  • I will be staying in the town from
  • I am wondering if you could recommend any
  • fun activities
  • entertainment options
  • popular places to visit
  • restaurants
  • bars
  • clubs
  • concert venues
  • I am particularly interested in
  • local live music performances
  • cultural events
  • art galleries
  • theater shows
  • I would greatly appreciate your suggestions
  • Thank you in advance for your help
  • I am looking forward to hearing from you
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