Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Music
Add an article
The music
industry
is a multibillion industry
, allowing musicians to grow with the industry
. Although
there are plenty of negative effects on music
Add an article
the music
industry
through illegal internet downloads, many believe this
has no effect on artists. In my opinion, it has a negative impact
on music
Add an article
the music
industry
and to support my viewpoint, I will provide reasonable
Correct article usage
a reasonable
explaination
with examples.
First of all, The piracyCorrect your spelling
explanation
a
Change preposition
of a
musician
Change noun form
musician's
work
cause loss in revenue. All musician
produces their work
, to show their passion for music
and by doing this
, they try to earn revenue from the number of sales
. When the music
gets downloaded for free, it reduces their overall
sales
leading them to show reduced
amount in Correct article usage
a reduced
music
sales
, it has major negative impacts because it undermines the valuation of musician
's work
. Furthermore
, even after
this
negative impact
many artists still manage to stay afloat,
and keep working. Remove the comma
apply
However
, when it comes to smaller artists without any financial support, they struggle to continue producing music
.
However
, many counters
Fix the agreement mistake
counter
this
negative impact
argument by describing the exposure they receive from their fans through illegal downloads. Musicians get exposure from the piracy fan base, leading them to attend Add an article
the concert
a concert
concert
and from Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
merchendise
Correct your spelling
merchandise
sales
, a musician
can overcome the loss faced from the
illegal internet downloads. Correct article usage
apply
This
way a musician
can generate many alternative revenue streams. Furthermore
, as the music
industry
is evolving, a change in the business model simply by streaming his work
, can help musician
regain Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
his
presence in Correct pronoun usage
their
fan
. Fix the agreement mistake
fans
In addition
, If a muscian
were to showcase his Correct your spelling
musician
work
through streaming, their
is a potential Replace the word
there
of making
a loyal fan base.
In conclusion, illegal internet download has a negative Change preposition
to make
impact
and pose challenges, even if it
may Correct pronoun usage
they
offers
some exposure. Change the verb form
offer
Industry
should focus on adapting to new models and technologies allowing Add an article
The industry
Add an article
the artist
artist
to mitigate Fix the agreement mistake
artists
his
financial losses and continue to thrive.Correct pronoun usage
their
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on
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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention specific artists or studies that illustrate the impact of illegal downloads.
task achievement
Work on consistent and clear idea development. Some parts of the essay have good points but lack thorough elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance cohesion. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Fix grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better readability. For example: "The piracy a musician work cause loss in revenue" could be improved to "Piracy of a musician's work causes a loss in revenue."
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well defined and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument fairly and provides the writer's opinion clearly.
task achievement
The writer uses a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which makes the essay more engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.