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It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has negative effects on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that governments should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to control their sugar intake. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sugar #effects #people’s #health #believe #governments #control #amount #people #responsibility #intake
It is true that consuming a large
amount
 of processed
sugar
 brings detrimental
health
 issues. Some people believe that the authorities should limit individual's
sugar
 consumption
while
 others say that
individuals
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary
Change the word
primarily
show examples
 responsible
to regulate
Change preposition
for regulating
show examples
 their
sugar
intake
.
This
 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, the authorities should
control
 their citizens how much
amount
 of
sugar
intake
 because processed
sugar
 brings more
health
 issues when they consume a large
amount
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
constantly.
This
 means the government should create awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed
suger's
Correct your spelling
sugars
sugar's
 effect on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
 like diabetic diseases in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
 may reduce their consumption of
sugar
 level.
For example
, the
health
 ministry should encourage the population to eat natural
sugar
instead
 of processed
sugar
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 conducting street camps.
Hence
, the government has more power than normal
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
, so they can easily
control
 people's
sugar
intake
 by conducting awareness.
On the other hand
,
individuals
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary
Change the word
primarily
show examples
 responsible for protecting their
health
.
This
 is because every person's
health
 is different so they only know about their
health
 condition whether eating large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
 or not.
For instance
, self-
control
 and
self-conscious
Replace the word
self-consciousness
show examples
 are the key
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of preventing diabetic issues, so the public should
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 more conscious regarding their
health
 and
control
 their consumption of
sugar
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, and
as a result
, they stay far away from diabetic troubles. Needless to say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the decider whether they are being a
sugar
 patient or not through regulating their
sugar
intake
. In conclusion,
although
 the ruling parties should conduct
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness programs and encourage to eat natural
sugar
,
individuals
 should maintain and
control
 their
health
 without getting diabetic
health
 problems.
Therefore
, in my opinion,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that every person has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
more
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 responsibility to
control
 their
sugar
intake
 in order to
avoiding
Change the verb
avoid
show examples
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Simple yet clear sentences can make a big difference.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will strengthen the task achievement score.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Good attempt to discuss both viewpoints thoroughly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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