It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has negative effects on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that governments should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to control their sugar intake. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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It is true that consuming a large
amount
of processed sugar
brings detrimental health
issues. Some people believe that the authorities should limit individual's sugar
consumption while
others say that individuals
are the
Correct article usage
apply
primary
responsible Change the word
primarily
to regulate
their Change preposition
for regulating
sugar
intake
. This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, the authorities should control
their citizens how much amount
of sugar
intake
because processed sugar
brings more health
issues when they consume a large amount
in
constantly. Change preposition
apply
This
means the government should create awareness of the
processed Correct article usage
apply
suger's
effect on Correct your spelling
sugars
sugar's
people
Change noun form
people's
health
like diabetic diseases in order to
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
individuals
may reduce their consumption of sugar
level. For example
, the health
ministry should encourage the population to eat natural sugar
instead
of processed sugar
through
conducting street camps. Change preposition
by
Hence
, the government has more power than normal citizen
, so they can easily Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
control
people's sugar
intake
by conducting awareness.
On the other hand
, individuals
are the
Correct article usage
apply
primary
responsible for protecting their Change the word
primarily
health
. This
is because every person's health
is different so they only know about their health
condition whether eating large amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
sugar
or not. For instance
, self-control
and self-conscious
are the key Replace the word
self-consciousness
source
of preventing diabetic issues, so the public should Fix the agreement mistake
sources
have
more conscious regarding their Verb problem
be
health
and control
their consumption of sugar
level
, and Fix the agreement mistake
levels
as a result
, they stay far away from diabetic troubles. Needless to say that
Correct word choice
apply
the
humankind Correct article usage
apply
are
the decider whether they are being a Change the verb form
is
sugar
patient or not through regulating their sugar
intake
.
In conclusion, although
the ruling parties should conduct the
awareness programs and encourage to eat natural Correct article usage
apply
sugar
, individuals
should maintain and control
their health
without getting diabetic health
problems. Therefore
, in my opinion, about
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, I strongly agree with
that every person has Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
a
more
responsibility to Correct word choice
greater
control
their sugar
intake
in order to avoiding
Change the verb
avoid
diabetic
problems.Replace the word
diabetes
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Simple yet clear sentences can make a big difference.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will strengthen the task achievement score.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Good attempt to discuss both viewpoints thoroughly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.