IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Task one the two pie charts show the patron of expenditure in US between 1966-1996. Summarise the information by selecting the reporting and main feature and making comparisons where relevant

Task one the two pie charts show the patron of expenditure in US between 1966-1996. Summarise the information by selecting the reporting and main feature and making comparisons where relevant
#two #show #patron #expenditure #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These two charts show the patron of expenditure in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 between 1966 and 1996. It shows us how much has changed in the US between 30
years
Use synonyms
, and how the public's needs and wants evolve over
time
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
chausing
Correct your spelling
causing
 the expenditure in the US to
also
Linking Words
 change
overall
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
, even after some
time
Use synonyms
, some things just still remain the same. In 30
years
Use synonyms
, a lot has changed
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the expenditure of the US. The most notable difference is the main importance of the US. Back
then
Linking Words
,
Food
Use synonyms
 was much more prioritized, with a whopping 44% used on
Food
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 since
then
Linking Words
, the importance of
Food
Use synonyms
 has decreased drastically to 14%, with Cars being the top currently at 45%. Cars increased by 22% over
time
Use synonyms
 in 30
years
Use synonyms
.
Suprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
,
petrols
Change the wording
petrol
kinds of petrol
cans of petrol
gallons of petrol
show examples
 remained the exact same
depite
Correct your spelling
despite
 the huge increase in Cars. Restaurants
instead
Linking Words
 doubled over 30
years
Use synonyms
, despite
Food
Use synonyms
 having a decrease in prioritization over
time
Use synonyms
. Furniture barely had a change,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 we can see how the digital and online world of the Internet started to gain popularity, with a huge rise of 9%. Books were no longer needed, dropping to just 1%, similar to how computers were back
then
Linking Words
. In conclusion, through these
charts
Add a comma
charts,
show examples
 we can see how transport and technologies became popular and on the rise, compared to Books and
Food
Use synonyms
 which people cared much more about back
then
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 might seem bad,
Food
Use synonyms
 still remains the 2nd most popular as it is a basic need for everyone in the world, with restaurants still increasing despite the 30
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by lydiaia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, time, food with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: