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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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People
 believe that utilizing the net brings benefits to modern-day societies,
whereas
 some question the authenticity of the
information
 found online. On the positive
side
, it is important to realize how the net helps humans do their jobs more efficiently and faster. On the negative
side
, the net could potentially lead to misinformation.
To begin
 with, In modern days, most activities
such
 as working and messaging, require the net to be done faster and well organized. The net contains a plethora of
information
 that assists populations in finishing those activities faster.
Although
 some
people
 think those activities do not require the net to be done efficiently, in reality, most citizen depends on that.
This
 was proven
further
 by the government statistics in 2020, as they state that utilizing the net for working will increase by 60% rates of efficiency.
Moreover
, the netis not only helps
people
 in their work but
also
 accommodates
people
 to connect specifically in social media. Given these points, the net makes humans more well-organized and more quickly do their tasks in general. Even though the net has many benefits, it
also
 has some issues that can lead to some deception in societies.
Furthermore
, the misleading
information
 could cause unrest among societies. There are various causes of
this
 issue, mostly caused by unfiltered
information
 that scatters around the net.
For
this
 reason, netizens regularly questioned the
information
 authenticity on the net. Internet specialist believes that more than 50% of
information
 that scatters around the net has the potential to cause a hoax or a false acquisition among netizens. In essence, the net could cause a dreadful impact if not properly prevented from happening. All things considered, the net has a drawback,
nonetheless
 its benefits.
Overall
, the net brings easiness to citizens' daily lives as it contains a great number of
information
.
Although
 some of them are not right, the other is helping a lot of
people
.
Therefore
, I strongly disagree that the negative
side
 overshadows the positive
side
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
This essay provides a solid response to the task prompt. However, make sure you address all parts of the task thoroughly. For instance, you could further elaborate on the issues related to control and security of information.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and supported, but ensure examples are both relevant and specific. Statistics about internet usage were good, but adding more detailed and specific examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use cohesive devices (like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore') more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your thesis or position on the statement. Conclude by summarizing your main points effectively without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You did a great job organizing your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided some insightful points on both advantages and disadvantages of the internet, which shows balanced consideration of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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